Jim Ward credited as playing...
Captain Qwark • Commander Spog
- Clank: I believe I know someone who can fix you.
- Captain Qwark: Well, I don't mean to brag but I did modify my crotchetizer with a vibrating function I like to call the happy platypus.
- Clank: ...I beg your pardon Qwark?
- Captain Qwark: We're gonna die! Alone! Alone in a dark forest, with no cameras to capture every moment so I can be remembered!
- Dr. Nefarious: Get your elbow out of my face!
- Captain Qwark: Where am I supposed to put it?
- Clank: Ratchet, do not say a word.
- Ratchet: I don't know, I recognise stupidity... I'm friends with Qwark.
- Captain Qwark: Yeah! Wait, what?
- Commander Spog: Steward! Where are all my minions?
- The Steward: Most of them are afraid to fight, commander. They are hiding in storage until the interlopers evacuate.
- Commander Spog: Well then lie, tell them there is a party in sector 12 with cake and presents... I don't know, use your imagination.
- The Steward: Attention minions: there is a party in sector 12, with cake, and presents, and absolutely no threat to your life whatsoever. BYOB!
- [the gang has found the transport to Uzo City abandoned and in disrepair]
- Ratchet: [chagrined] Ah, No, no, No... Come On!
- [Captain Qwark dramatically falls into a faint. Dr. Nefarious, alarmed by Quark's faint, catches him from falling. Nefarious watches in concern as Qwark, cradled in his arms, launches into a death-scene monologue]
- Captain Qwark: [dramamtically] This is it! The End of President Captain Quark! I can feel Death's icy grip!
- [Clank looks sympathetic, Ratchet rolls his eyes and shakes his head, exasperated. Qwark looks at Dr. Nefarious apologetically]
- Captain Qwark: Nefarious. I'm sorry I pushed you around in high school. You were smart, and I was such a...
- Dr. Nefarious: [suddenly suspicious] Moron?
- Captain Qwark: I was gonna say "Adonis", but if you want to be a jerk about it...
- Dr. Nefarious: [genuinely apologetic] I'm sorry too...
- [pause]
- Dr. Nefarious: [gradually vitriolic] You should know that while I was wishing the blarg would tear you apart *limb from limb* so that I could riverdance around you're smoldering, squishy carcass...
- [pause; now more gentle]
- Dr. Nefarious: ... I still considered you a friend.
- [Nefarious picks up a red wrench nearby and gives it to Qwark. Qwark's face lights up]
- Captain Qwark: [affected gasp] An Intergalactic Tool of Justice Award!
- [hugs the "award"]
- The Plumber: [the wrench's real owner - the Plumber arrives, catching Nefarious and Qwark off-guard] If you fellas are done, I'm gonna need that wrench back.
- [Dr. Nefarious immediately drops Qwark who lands heavily on the ground]