Stanley Weber credited as playing...
Tom Duval
- Tom Duval: [to Jane] You are, frankly, about the most infuriating person I've ever met. Which considering I work in Scottish publishing, is saying something.
- Tom Duval: [about Jane] She may be a miserable pain in the arse, but when she's writing, she's like a guided missile.
- Tom Duval: Jane, please open the door. Jane, I'm not good at this countryside stuff. Alright?
- [Jane doesn't open the door]
- Tom Duval: I think I saw a bear.
- Jane Lockhart: [confused]
- [inaudible]
- Jane Lockhart: Bear?
- Tom Duval: Jane.
- [long pause]
- Tom Duval: I'm sorry.
- [Jane opens door]
- Roddy: [Addressing his class] ... which is why Shakespeare never left New York again. Okay, um, chapter 21. Uh, read it or... be punished.
- Roddy: [Answering his phone] Yo.
- Tom Duval: [On the phone] He's only gone and changed the ending.
- Roddy: [Over the phone] Wow. All you did was change her title, and she thought you were a complete wanker.
- Roddy: [Addressing his class] That's "Juan Kerr." He was a 19th century South American revolutionary.
- Tom Duval: Being happy, she is unable to finish her latest miserable novel.
- [walking together]
- Tom Duval: So, in order to help her, the selfless publisher embarks on a course of action - to return her to the fragile mental state in which she wrote her highly profitable debut.
- Roddy: You want to make Jane Lockhart's life a misery so she'll finish writing her book? That's seriously messed up. Do they teach you this stuff in France?
- Tom Duval: We study a broad curriculum. So, how do we make someone completely totally miserable?
- Roddy: Why are you asking me? I've dedicated the last ten years to encouraging young minds, planting hope and aspiration...
- [suddenly distracted by a student]
- Roddy: Benson, put it away! Stand in the corner! Face to the wall! Little shite.
- [back to Tom]
- Roddy: ... Okay, maybe I have some experience in the field...
- Darsie: [Jane is at home, typing on her laptop computer and is bare naked. Darsie is reading a magazine] I will not do nudity unless it is essential to the plot.
- Jane Lockhart: [the doorbell rings] Oh, you must be joking!
- Tom Duval: Jane?
- Jane Lockhart: Just go away!
- Tom Duval: I've got to talk to you. Please, open the door.
- Jane Lockhart: [Telephone rings] Hold on, a minute!
- [Darsie gives Jane the telephone]
- Jane Lockhart: Hello?
- Voice on Telephone.: You need to hear about our great deal on home insurance.
- [Smoke alarm beeps]
- Voice on Telephone.: Have you ever thought about what would happen in your house caught fire?
- Darsie: Your meringues, Jane.
- Jane Lockhart: [Jane rushes over to the cooker] Shit! Shit! Shit!
- Tom Duval: Jane? Are you okay?
- Jane Lockhart: [Jane takes the lemon meringue pies out of the cooker] Shit! Shit! Jesus!
- Jane Lockhart: [Tom gets the spare key and opens the door and enters and stops and stares in amazement at Jane. Her tray of lemon meringue pies conceal her bare breasts. Jane stares back in embarrassment. Tom sighs] STOP LOOKING!
- [Tom closes the door and Jane races back into the kitchen]
- Tom Duval: Mr. L. Oh, if you think that was bad, wait till you see what she's done with you in the new one.