Lamorne Morris credited as playing...
Winston Bishop
- Nick Miller: Jess has absolutely lost her mind.
- Jess: I have not lost my mind! I'm just scared.
- Nick Miller: Would you trust me? You're gonna be fine. You're gonna meet somebody and fall in love and then before you know it you're gonna
- [makes popping sounds]
- Jess: With who, Nick? Who's gonna lay a flag down on this sweet, sweet continent?
- Schmidt: I'll man up. But I must warn you, Jess - I don't have sperms. I have tadpoles. Of the gods. And I'm gonna give 'em to you. You can have 'em all for all I care. That's how much I love you. I feel your pain in this situation. I want you to have babies. Take my sperms.
- Winston Bishop: No. It should be me, Jess.
- Jess: [baffled] What?
- Winston Bishop: With your big, beautiful blue eyes and my Blair Underwood-like skin, we'd have the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen.
- Schmidt: He's not wrong. It could get into any school it wants.
- Jess: To be clear, I haven't asked any of you to impregnate me. I think it's important that's been said.
- Nick Miller: Good. 'Cause it's definitely not me.
- Jess: Cause it's definitely not you.
- Nick Miller: I would love that little baby with all my heart. Even if I did show it by picking him up from school in my underwear and hitting on the crossing guard.
- Nick Miller: Guys, let's just say that hypothetically, a girl says something to you while she's on painkillers. And that girl says that she might want to have sexual intercourse with you...
- Winston Bishop: Please tell me we're not talking about Jess.
- Nick Miller: And you had no idea that's how she felt. Like, no idea. You thought the door was closed. In fact, you thought that door was so closed that you went out to another door but had I known that the first door was open, that's the door I wanted to walk through. I would've walked through that door. Do you see how I'm in a tough spot?
- Schmidt: Can we stop calling it 'walking through a door' because for me I feel it's more like sliding past a drape.
- Winston Bishop: Why are you standing like that?
- Jess: I always stand like this.
- Winston Bishop: I've never seen you stand like that.