Ashton Kutcher credited as playing...
Walden Schmidt
- Walden Schmidt: I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
- Alan Harper: Oh, really? Really? How would you have liked me to hear it? Twitter? Facebook? A singing telegram?
- [sings]
- Alan Harper: Ta-ra-ra boom dee yay! I banged your girl today! 'Cause I'm a billionaire, I still have all my hair!