Everly

Greetings again from the darkness. If only drive-in theaters were still the weekend hang-out of choice for teenage boys, this latest from director Joe Lynch would be the perfect second feature after some horror or slasher designed to generate oohs and ahhs through gross-outs (elevators and grenades are not a good mix).

After beginning with its most unsettling scene – gang abuse of a female (fortunately via black screen and sound effects) - the rest of the film plays just like an ultra-violent, hyper-speed video game. The two main distinctions here are that all of the action takes place inside a loft apartment, and the lead character is played by Salma Hayek. Having appeared in Desperado and From Dusk Til Dawn, Ms. Hayek is no stranger to wild action sequences, but here she carries every carnage-filled scene … all while slinking around in a silk slip or her favorite yoga pants.

Gun, knives, swords, grenades, chemicals and various other implements of destruction are brandished by Hayek, masked killers, greedy hookers, a SWAT team, and Hayek's ex-pimp/kidnapper. We even get a character called "The Sadist" (Togo Igawa) in one of the most straight-forward character names in movie history. There is even an attack dog named Bonzai that is well-trained in everything except the difference between a ball and a grenade. And therein lies the saving grace here … the movie has some absurd humor that prevents the ultimate tone of dread by such films as Saw. The humor isn't so much clever as it is outrageous … and it helps offset the gruesome and blood-filled body count (at least 20 in the first 20 minutes!).

Director Joe Lynch is more comfortable with horror films than action films, but it's clear he has a love with B-movies, and he is fortunate enough to have Salma Hayek front and center. The only way to watch this is with your brain shifted to neutral. The level of ridiculous is off the scale and includes too many "that makes no sense" moments to recap here. On top of all that, the action occurs around Christmas, and use of six traditional Christmas songs adds to the twisted humor that will probably keep you tuned in, despite your knowing better.

This is extremely gory and mindless. Not nearly as glorious as Kill Bill (of which one can't help but think).

This is just an excuse for lots of blood and shooting and cuts etc.

Can't figure out why the heroin doesn't just kill them all straight out (as she seems so good at it) instead of just waiting for the next team of useless violent jerks to turn up. Scenario-wise this is really poor. Do not expect any real twist, any intelligent decision, any verisimilitude.

For those of you who like stylised violence for the sake of it, you might spend the time, others just go straight to Kill Bill and don't waste any time on this unless you are really a Salma Hayek fan of course...

Since the start of the century or so, there seemingly exists an additional new sub-genre within the world of action/thriller cinema, which is best described as "Shoot 'em Up" films. "Shoot 'em Up", starring Clive Owen, itself is obviously a good example, but there's also "Crank", "Hardcore Henry", "Free Fire", "Taken" and this "Everly". You guessed it; - these are films with very thin plots and without any proper character development, but they primarily focus on non-stop violent action, excessively over-the-top gunfire action and a practically immeasurable body count. They are entertaining if you're in a completely undemanding mood, I reckon, but they are quite unmemorable as well. Moreover, despite all the action and bloodshed, these films are actually sort of boring, because they constantly repeat the same old "bang-bang-you-are-dead" routine.

The sole difference between "Everly" and the aforementioned titles is that the indestructible killing machine here is a woman; - and one of the sexiest specimens on the planet, I may add. In fact, one might even shallowly state that any film starring Salma Hayek in a tight and bloodied tank top is worth checking out, regardless of the quality. Hayek, pushing 50 but still looking as fit as a 28-year-old, depicts the private luxury prostitute of an Asian crime lord, locked up in a fancy apartment. One day, however, Everly decides she doesn't want to be Taiko's prisoner anymore. The film opens with a heavily injured Everly and a room full of dead Asian gangsters already. I feared the script would be another structural mess with flashbacks but, to my surprise, the plot simply continues from there onwards and Everly only takes on new and other opponents. She tries to reach her mother and estranged 4-year-old daughter, and she receives help from a slowly dying but remorseful Asian she refers to as "Dead Man". Apart from a few notable highlights, including the battle of the prostitutes and the sickening games of the aptly named The Sadist, "Everly" is mundane and passable. The violence is really graphic, but never shocking or even remotely upsetting because writer/director Joe Lynch ("Wrong Turn 2") couldn't decide if he wanted a serious or a light-headed film.

Everly (Salma Hayek) is an overworked woman who has had it with her boss and her job. Unfortunately, her employer doesn't have much of a retirement plan so when he wants her terminated, he really means it. Having not seen her family in four years and wanting a better work/life balance, she takes her frustrations out on her co-workers who are also angry at not getting a Christmas bonus. Her family also gets treated poorly when they visit her at work. The special effects crew worked overtime on what starts out as an action/thriller but soon morphs into a very, very dark comedy that'll make you appreciate having the opportunity to work from home. The beautiful Hayek shows off her acting chops whether it's taking a stand against workplace sexual harassment or using a machine gun against the HR department. Die Hard and It's A Wonderful Life both take a back seat to this Christmas gem. You'll have to watch it to see if everyone lives happily ever(ly) after.

I have read some reviews before watching this film and it nearly put me off. I get a lot of people can't stand this kind of movie, but not every movie is meant to target the worldwide audience. Salma Hayek plays her role well and looks unbelievable. There are holes in the plot all over the place and some things just don't make sense at all. If you are after a well constructed storyline then move on and keep looking. However, if you are a red blooded male like myself and can overlook the many flaws in this movie and love action movies, then this is worth a watch. The numerous death scenes are great and Salma spends the movie showing off her fantastic body and thats a win win for all of us. So, in a nutshell, if you like looking at mamacita's like Salma and lots of blood and death then 'give it a go. I don't think this movie was made to be taken seriously.