Everly

This is officially the most sadistic Christmas movie I've ever seen. ...So far. I mean, I haven't seen Black Christmas yet. So maybe that'll change once I see those movies.

My dad likes to ask me sometimes regarding action movies: "Is there a purpose to all this?" There IS no purpose. The whole movie is one big, fat excuse to slam a bunch of crazy action scenes at you. As an exercise in brutal violence, it succeeds. It's got style, and it's even got some genuinely funny moments of black humour to go along with it. The movie's premise is absolutely ridiculous and stupid, and laughably insane, but it plows through it with an almost completely straight face. In that respect, the movie is a deadpan masterpiece.

Anyway. Salma Hayek's acting, along with Joe Lynch's neat direction, are both too good for this type of movie. This is a modern-day exploitation film at its most blatant. This is Die Hard with Salma Hayek and the Yakuza. It's limited to one floor of an apartment building as a setting, and it's set during Christmas, and the main character is trapped in one room. Only unlike Die Hard, this movie has some truly cruel material to make you squirm in it. I mean wow.

Despite its flaws (and it has a lot of them) it was an entertaining movie. It's shallow, it's not all too smart, and for people with weak stomachs, it's pretty much unwatchable. Its low-budgetness isn't all that obvious unless you REALLY look for it, and most of its effects are refreshingly practical. It's nice to see blood squibs in action movies this day and age, instead of the regular old CGI clouds we're stuck with eighty (or ninety?) percent of the time. Salma Hayek hasn't been this good since Desperado, and that was freaking 1995.

I recommend any action fans to seek it out--unless, of course, you like some brains to go with your bullets, and/or you're not too keen on seeing the effects of swallowing battery acid. The rest of you should have a good time. Good times all around.

Since the start of the century or so, there seemingly exists an additional new sub-genre within the world of action/thriller cinema, which is best described as "Shoot 'em Up" films. "Shoot 'em Up", starring Clive Owen, itself is obviously a good example, but there's also "Crank", "Hardcore Henry", "Free Fire", "Taken" and this "Everly". You guessed it; - these are films with very thin plots and without any proper character development, but they primarily focus on non-stop violent action, excessively over-the-top gunfire action and a practically immeasurable body count. They are entertaining if you're in a completely undemanding mood, I reckon, but they are quite unmemorable as well. Moreover, despite all the action and bloodshed, these films are actually sort of boring, because they constantly repeat the same old "bang-bang-you-are-dead" routine.

The sole difference between "Everly" and the aforementioned titles is that the indestructible killing machine here is a woman; - and one of the sexiest specimens on the planet, I may add. In fact, one might even shallowly state that any film starring Salma Hayek in a tight and bloodied tank top is worth checking out, regardless of the quality. Hayek, pushing 50 but still looking as fit as a 28-year-old, depicts the private luxury prostitute of an Asian crime lord, locked up in a fancy apartment. One day, however, Everly decides she doesn't want to be Taiko's prisoner anymore. The film opens with a heavily injured Everly and a room full of dead Asian gangsters already. I feared the script would be another structural mess with flashbacks but, to my surprise, the plot simply continues from there onwards and Everly only takes on new and other opponents. She tries to reach her mother and estranged 4-year-old daughter, and she receives help from a slowly dying but remorseful Asian she refers to as "Dead Man". Apart from a few notable highlights, including the battle of the prostitutes and the sickening games of the aptly named The Sadist, "Everly" is mundane and passable. The violence is really graphic, but never shocking or even remotely upsetting because writer/director Joe Lynch ("Wrong Turn 2") couldn't decide if he wanted a serious or a light-headed film.

I've read all the reviews and I am not surprised by all the negativity. No frontal nudity, no talent blah blah blah. I watched this film because I wanted to look at Salma Hayek for 90 minutes. I wasn't expecting anything. Yes it was poorly written and some of the acting was cringe worthy but most of that came out funny, not unentertaining. I truly laughed out loud but not in a bad way. If not for the subject matter they could've called this a comedy and I would've been satisfied. The story line was one we could all be sympathetic to. If your a person who just wants to relax and see a movie then see this. I'll continue to be a Salma Hayek fan and I look forward to the time she is offered more meaningful roles. That time will come.

Everly (Salma Hayek) is an overworked woman who has had it with her boss and her job. Unfortunately, her employer doesn't have much of a retirement plan so when he wants her terminated, he really means it. Having not seen her family in four years and wanting a better work/life balance, she takes her frustrations out on her co-workers who are also angry at not getting a Christmas bonus. Her family also gets treated poorly when they visit her at work. The special effects crew worked overtime on what starts out as an action/thriller but soon morphs into a very, very dark comedy that'll make you appreciate having the opportunity to work from home. The beautiful Hayek shows off her acting chops whether it's taking a stand against workplace sexual harassment or using a machine gun against the HR department. Die Hard and It's A Wonderful Life both take a back seat to this Christmas gem. You'll have to watch it to see if everyone lives happily ever(ly) after.

I have read some reviews before watching this film and it nearly put me off. I get a lot of people can't stand this kind of movie, but not every movie is meant to target the worldwide audience. Salma Hayek plays her role well and looks unbelievable. There are holes in the plot all over the place and some things just don't make sense at all. If you are after a well constructed storyline then move on and keep looking. However, if you are a red blooded male like myself and can overlook the many flaws in this movie and love action movies, then this is worth a watch. The numerous death scenes are great and Salma spends the movie showing off her fantastic body and thats a win win for all of us. So, in a nutshell, if you like looking at mamacita's like Salma and lots of blood and death then 'give it a go. I don't think this movie was made to be taken seriously.