Dear God No!

Not sure where this came from but I like it. This beyond awesome and heavy on the upper female nudity flick is pretty far out crazy. It's a biker film made by perverts for perverts. You will definitely feel like a dirty person while laughing at the demented dark humor. It's very funny in a "not quite right" sort of way. Outlaw bikers run up against an insane Nazi conducting mad experiments on his family members and the local wildlife. When these worlds (different genres) collide it gets totally wacky (the horror genre!) and delivers buckets of the marinara sauce. It's staggering how much is packed into this film from Psychedelic Drug movies, Nazisploitation, Nunsploitation, Biker, Spaghetti Western, Monster Movies, Home Invasion flicks (Last House on the Left), Nature Gone Bad Films, Hicksploitation, etc. Even more staggering, it actually works. For such an outrageously convoluted film, it all comes together without any loose ends. The plot twists are different from your standard Revenge film, get crazier every 15 minutes and you never quite know where this thing is going until the very last frame which will hit you like a Drano enema. It's not a comedy. It's full of scares, shocks and seat clawing tension. Did I mention the female parts? Loaded with every size. Every actress looses their clothes. Quite wonderful. I'm not sure when this thing is being released on DVD but I saw it with an audience and you should too. It screams audience participation. It was so nice to see something other than stupid teens in the stupid woods. I thank the perverts who made this and made my day. See it.

I'm sure if you sat down with a group of buddies who all have bad taste and like nasty things then you would definitely laugh out loud at this movie and come away with some good one liners but any one with any taste would think your facked up for even knowing this movie exists. This week must be the week of sh!+ movies cuz heres another stinker. This movie has huge potential is out weighed by the garbage cinematography, garbage acting, and the worst practical effects I've ever seen. I understand that they made this movie crappy on purpose but that just seems to be an excuse for having no talent. Everyone involved in this movie has no talent and this movie wreaks of it. Anytime something bloody happens you can clearly see a hose spraying blood or someone grabs their neck and blood sprays from behind their back. They pretend to do a burnout on a nun and it just looks stupid because they cant even act like they are doing in it. It looks like a bunch of buddies got together and made a movie they thought would be funny and then decided hey maybe other people would like this. Even when they are drinking something we are suppose to think is a dirty tampon it doesn't even gross me out because they cant even act like they are drinking tampon juice. One area that this movie does succeed on however is the dialogue. There are plenty of hilarious one liners, they are just coming out of the wrong people who cant do them justice, tiss a shame. Also the ideas they had for how to push the limits of sleaze are great in theory but don't have the skill to pull them off effectively. I personally love the movies that this movie tries to be but it fails and the only scene that is effective is the rapist orgy where i got so sick of the screaming women that i turned this garbage off. Lets put a little more effort in next time boys and maybe hire some people with talent.

Ultra cheap, ultra stupid, the worst bunch of "actors" you've ever seen. This disaster of a movie isn't even mildly entertaining. Even the few gore effects are lame and the topless girls are ugly. The fact that the film was made to look like a 70s biker flick gets boring very fast. Don't waste 2 hours of your life... I mean, 1 hour and 10 minutes of your life with this garbage on celluloid. Anyway, the worst thing is the "creature" at the end of the movie. It is clearly a guy in a very very cheap costume and so laughable it will make you cringe. Sadly, this is not a movie "so bad it's good". It is just awfully bad. Go watch something else!

As a self proclaimed expert on biker movies (I've seen them all), this one is totally out to lunch. It's a bad egg oddity that would have to be put into a category all by itself. Caged up and left alone. What makes it different? It's evil. Everything about it is ugly and mean spirited. These bikers are not people you can identify with but they are not really the villains either. These goons are light years away from the cheesy pretty boy or grease monkey depictions you see on Sons of Anarchy or Hell Ride. They're even different than the glorified image of real bikers in The Wild Angels and Hell's Angels on Wheels. They are probably close to the real thing circa The Hell's Angels 1965 than has ever graced the silver screen. These are murdering, raping, filthy mouthed scum of the earth. They party hardy. The film feels like it was made by real life criminals. I would not like to meet them.

It was fun for a while, but now I'm getting rather tired of the fad for 'grindhouse' movies, which see directors deliberately striving to replicate the flagrant content and gritty style of 70s and 80s exploitation films. They may boast memorable titles and cool retro poster art, but they rarely prove to be any cop, their grungy affectations and knowing outrageousness being poor substitutes for real talent.

The latest effort to proudly fly the 'grindhouse' flag is 'Dear God No!', a violent biker flick from writer/director James Bickert, who is so intent on achieving his desired aesthetic and meeting his quota of bad taste and debauchery (thereby ensuring marketability) that he seems to forget about trying to make a decent film.

The most disagreeable aspects of the film are not the sex and violence—after all, those who willingly watch this type of film expect, nay DEMAND such excess—but rather the acting, script and direction. Performances range from the bad to the diabolical, the plot is all over the place, and Bickert's visuals display little in the way of originality (unless lingering on a stripper for so long that it actually becomes boring counts).

My rating: a generous 4.5 out of 10 just for the OTT splatter and rampant sleaze—file somewhere between equally disappointing 'grindhouse' efforts 'Run! Bitch Run! and Nude Nuns With Big Guns.