James Callis credited as playing...
Colonel Andrews
- Colonel Andrews: [after Jane fights off Wattlesbrook's unwanted advances] Why, Mr. Wattlesbrook, not again.
- Mr. Wattlesbrook: Little slag attacked me!
- Mr. Henry Nobley: Well, obviously. She is a ninja.
- Lady Amelia Heartwright: Why Miss Charming, what beauteous skin you possess.
- Miss Elizabeth Charming: Oh Wearwe? Well, that's because late at night when I'm all alone, I put my face in the fire.
- Lady Amelia Heartwright: Really! It's like a porcelain plate.
- Colonel Andrews: Like being in a kiln.
- Colonel Andrews: I say, who needs the outdoors when you ladies are such a breath of fresh air.
- Miss Elizabeth Charming: Colonel, you really are a saucy monkey.
- Colonel Andrews: It would appear to be my duty to gaze into your eyes. I'm a military man, I'd never shirk my duty.
- Captain East: When my seaman's heart tell me what to do, I do not fear to follow through.
- Colonel Andrews: That rhymes. That rhymes.
- Miss Elizabeth Charming: I didn't think I was touching you inappropriately.
- Colonel Andrews: Well, you did. And if we're to be together, you must never ever do anything like that ever again, if we're to be together.
- Colonel Andrews: I say, Miss Erstwhile, you are tongue-tied today. What sordid secrets is your mouth trying to hide from us?
- Colonel Andrews: Unwell? Perhaps you have a touch of the vapors? Or mange? Either way, bell jar on the tummy. Sucks out all the vicious vapors.
- Colonel Andrews: It's my sneaky maneuver I picked up in the Punjab.
- Lady Amelia Heartwright: Oh! Exotic!
- Jane Hayes: I only really know one song.
- Colonel Andrews: Play that one then.
- Mrs. Wattlesbrook: Not surprising.
- Jane Hayes: So I'll just play that.
- [singing]
- Jane Hayes: It's getting hot in here, So take off all your clothes, I am - getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off...
- Colonel Andrews: Oh, Lordy, smother me in butter and drop me in a saucepan. There she is. My Venus de Milo.