Lamorne Morris: Winston Bishop

Wedding

Winston Bishop

Winston Bishop: Are you okay?
Jess Day: Yeah, I'm fine.
Winston Bishop: Those guys were jerks. But I know they're glad you're around.
Jess Day: Really?
Winston Bishop: Yeah! They're not just gonna come out and say it, though. Especially Nick, you know, but they're all thinking it. Even me. Most of the time.

Winston Bishop: [greeting a wedding guest] Hi. What a beautiful dress.
Jimmy Longjam: I'm surprised you noticed the dress. I was distracted by the woman inside. Jimmy Longjam, alternate usher.
Winston Bishop: [feigning an amused laugh] Alternate usher. I mean, I'm here. I'm the usher.
Jimmy Longjam: You were late. It's called commitment. Look it up in a typewriter, old man.

Winston Bishop: Hey, Nick, how you doin', buddy?
Nick Miller: They want me to leave the booth, but I'm staying. This is my home now. It's got everything that I need.
Schmidt: You can see by looking at these pictures that he's experiencing a variety of different emotions. This one is... well, that's actually his butt.

Winston Bishop: We've got a problem.
Schmidt: What?
[seeing Nick and Caroline talking]
Schmidt: Jess, what did you do?
Jess Day: What? They're fine, they're just talking.
Winston Bishop: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, with Caroline, he is not fine. Okay, he ran into her at a party two months ago, then sent me a ten-page e-mail about what she meant when she said "I'll see you soon."
Schmidt: She will flirt with him until she knows she can have him. It's like he's her backup plan.
Jess Day: I didn't know that.
Schmidt: You wanna live with Nick, when he's not showering and crying all day?
Winston Bishop: Yeah, he sounds like this.
[he pantomimes babbling sobbing]
Schmidt: You ever heard a grown man sob and listen to Simon and Garfunkel?
Jess Day: Yeah, my dad.
Schmidt: Yeah.
Jess Day: Okay, I get it. I'll go. But I just... these bicycle shorts are really tight.
Schmidt: Come on, work through it, woman.

Winston Bishop: Yo, let's go. We can't be late. I am in the wedding.
Nick Miller: You're the usher, so relax.
Winston Bishop: Yeah, I'll be busy. That way, I won't have to sit around answering a bunch of stupid questions all day. Like, "do you have a job? Are you still playing basketball?". Does it look like I'm still playing overseas basketball?
Schmidt: What is the matter with you?
Winston Bishop: This is the first job I've had in, like, two months, dude, and I really want to just get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Jess Day: It was weird when I was stuck in a freak sandwich between you and that eight-year-old. Do you wanna talk about that?
Winston Bishop: You know, it's just that he got to be a bit annoying, so... I kind of took my feelings out with dance?