Jurassic Shark

After reading the reviews, all of them uniformly condemning the movie as one of the worst films ever, I felt curious. Surely it can't be that bad? Every movie has a saving grace - anything. So I decided to watch at least bits and pieces of it. And, you know what? The reviewers were absolutely right. This movie is so bad, that I find it difficult to believe that anyone could have devoted any time to making it. I mean, had you gathered together a few of your friends and started shooting with your home camcorder at your neighborhood's pond, without any planning or foresight, you would have come up with something better than this piece of garbage. There is absolutely NOTHING about this movie that can be, even remotely, recommended. It's not even in that it's-so-bad-that-it's-good class. If they took it seriously, I feel embarrassed for all those who participated in making this movie - just as I felt embarrassed watching it for, how can anybody make something so entirely devoid of any redeeming qualities?

God help us all if this is the coming filmmakers of the world.

When making a feature movie I would guess talent should also be applied? Anyway...the story is very dodgy, the acting is very bad, and the lightning and sound...is it on the dv-cams own mic it is made? I hope the people in it used at least aliases so they would have a chance in the future.

And the scene is a small lake, that is suppose to have an 16 meters shark?! and of course special effects ain't used at all, we see a great white shark glued in with "photoshop". I give you for the effort, but really...this must be kids that have made, no way in hell it is from even a film school.

I do not know more to say, I guess this will get a razzie award for the worse film ever in history made. Lol.

If you're an avid horror fanatic, yet you haven't got any cinematic or technical background, and you (together with a group of friends perhaps) watch a lot of terribly cheap and lame B-movies from within your lazy couch, then inevitably there will come a certain moment when you think to yourself: "I could make a much better and cooler movie myself …." Now, it's tremendously important that thoughts like these remain just thought and they cannot be processed further into concrete projects! Because if you do start to gather all your friends, family members and neighbors to film your allegedly kick-ass horror movie idea, we get crap like "Jurassic Shark"... I'm 100% convinced that director Brett Kelly and his mates were full of good intentions, and that they're actually a fun bunch to hang out with, but they simply don't have a clue about how to make a halfway decent movie. "Jurassic Shark" is amateurish rubbish of the worst possible kind and, sorry to put it this bluntly, but absolutely nobody is interested in seeing this guff. Brett Kelly probably thinks of himself that he's a movie prodigy, and his friends and family are likely too polite to tell it straight to his face, but any objective viewer will relentlessly bash his effort. When a large company drills for oil in a touristy lake, they accidentally drill too deep. That particular piece of dialog – "We drilled too deep" – gets repeated approximately a dozen times throughout the movie. So, just so you know, they drill too deep and hereby awaken a Megalodon shark that has actually been extinct for more than 200 million years. So, suddenly we have a 52ft shark (!) that is still in perfect shape despite being stuck underneath the lake's bottom for a gazillion of years, swimming around in a moderately sized pond. Brilliant! The only people courageous enough to face the critter are three hot chicks in colorful bikinis, but first they have to battle against a handful of idiotic crooks that lost their stolen painting in the lake. Don't ask… What we have? Well, let's see … atrocious acting, for starters. The performances are literally so terrible that you wished you could pull these people through the TV-screen and smack their faces. Particularly the female "gang" leader and the steroids fitness Vin Diesel copycat (who's, for some strange reason, an expert in the field of sharks and the Pleistocene era) are utmost annoying. Is it necessary that I add the special effects are the most pathetic I've ever witnessed. They vary from non-existent (people supposedly being eaten by the shark without the water surface even moving an inch) to seriously retarded computer engineered experiments. The shark constantly changes in size and at a certain point it even learns to fly and pick off people that are safely standing ashore. Some of my fellow reviewers pointed out that the effects were seemingly designed on a so-called "Etch-a-Sketch". I can't put it any better than this… I could also go on mentioning little imbecilic aspects, but "Jurassic Shark" already wasted enough of my (not-so) precious time, so behold my final statement: people with the intention to make such movies ought to be protected against themselves.

Brett Kelly - super cheap director located in Canada with a huge potential to become 'worst director ever born' (nomination for 'Worst movie ever made' is also a must for pretty much every single feature he directs) did it again....I mean seriously? 'Jurassic Shark' (yeah I know it rather wasn't original title and was changed because from the marketing point of view it sounds 'hot') is one of the worst piece of garbage you will ever encounter. It makes Asylum movies look like a spectacular Hollywood blockbusters(but then again Asylum spends at least 50-100k for their movies). Kelly's modus operandi is 'we have a free 10k, let's shoot the movie') and it shows on the screen. Acting was never even remotely close to decent in his movies but with 'Jurassic Shark' it reaches the bottom(or something below bottom if it exists). Two blonde bimbos(not really attractive by any means) sitting in bikini on the beach for the first few minutes of the movie are asking to be bitch-slapped for doing what they are doing(which I don't know what is but not acting, that's for sure) and the director should be mutilated for casting them. As far as the special effects go, there aren't any, but if you are asking about 'horrible special effects wannabes' - yes sir, there are quite a few. From the piece of wood called 'shark' to cgi shark which looks so bad, that I don't even know what can I compare with it? (probably only sand castles build by mentally disabled 5 years old kids). I could go on and on(others did it as I see) but I really have no desire to write any longer about this piece of garbage. There is absolutely nothing good to be said about this movie and even though Brett Kelly did one watchable movie in the past 'Prey for the Beast' (and remember, I said 'watchable' not 'decent') I won't be fooled ever again and won't buy any of his movies again. Let them stay where they belong - in a trash bin.

I was going to review this with all caps but ..... Don't Waste Your Time With This One. I've watched 1000's of movies and only a few have I quit watching before the end. This one is at the top of that list. Wooden acting? ... more like cement. Special effects? .... better ones could have been produced using MSPaint. Continuity? .... none that I could discern. Script and story? .... nope, didn't see any. I HAD to give it a 1 simply because there is no 0.

I have to admit that the actresses were pleasant to look at and did appear to be putting a genuine effort into their work. If this was a first film-making attempt I would be tempted to give this one a C+ for enthusiasm.

Don't waste your time. Rent Plan Nine from Outer Space instead.