Jonah Hill credited as playing...
Efraim Diveroli
- Efraim Diveroli: Everyone's fighting over the same pie and ignoring the crumbs. I live on crumbs. Like a rat.
- Efraim Diveroli: [while cutting through the line at the airport in Jordan with David] Sorry. Don't worry, I have to go first, I'm American.
- Efraim Diveroli: Jordanian customs seized our Berettas.
- David Packouz: What? Why?
- Efraim Diveroli: I don't fucking know, David! I dropped out of high school before they covered international diplomacy!
- David Packouz: I thought you said that you sold like seized weapons to gun nuts on the internet.
- Efraim Diveroli: Not anymore. Now I only sell to one gun nut.
- David Packouz: Oh yeah? Which one?
- Efraim Diveroli: The U.S military, motherfucker!... Wanna do a bong hit?
- ["Jump Around" by House of Pain comes on]
- David Packouz: So, I don't get it. If there's an entire defense industry, why would the Pentagon want to buy anything from you?
- Efraim Diveroli: They don't want to, they have to. Remember Little League? How, at the end of the season, they'd give out that big MVP trophy and that one kid would always win it?
- David Packouz: Yeah, Evan Talbot.
- Efraim Diveroli: Right. But then, one year, somebody's mom complained? Then they had to give everybody a little trophy so they wouldn't feel bad? Even that fat retarded kid. Robbie Friedman, got one. That's kind of like what's happening here.
- David Packouz: I'm still confused, man.
- Efraim Diveroli: The Pentagon fucked up when they were rebuilding the Iraqi Army. They gave all these no-bid contracts to Cheney's boys, and they got caught. So Bush started this initiative to level the playing field and now every Pentagon purchase, every gun, every grenade, every bullet, gets offered to small businesses for bidding. And sure, the big dogs still get the big trophies. But the Pentagon's got to give little trophies to all the Robbie Friedmans of the world.
- David Packouz: So, basically, you're a fat retarded kid.
- Efraim Diveroli: Bro, I'm the fattest and most retarded.
- Efraim Diveroli: [while impersonating an army officer to a weapons vendor on the telephone] You keep supplying the guns, we'll keep killing the bad guys. God bless you.
- David Packouz: Do you seriously want to drive to Baghdad?
- Efraim Diveroli: David, we're gun runners. Let's go run some guns.
- Efraim Diveroli: I think you should come work for me.
- David Packouz: I'm against this war
- Efraim Diveroli: This isn't about being pro-war. This is about being pro-money.