Haunted High

I had expected a low-budget made-for-TV SyFy feature, this is why I'll generously award this campy feature 3 stars. One simply cannot watch a movie like this and expect a high quality production, however viewers deserve to not face-palm themselves every 4 minutes.

"Low budget", as most of us cinemaphiles know, is not a valid excuse for bad writing, bad acting, and... bad everything.

The plot is like cheap fishnet stockings... covered with holes, transparent, and weak. Sadly, not as attractive. Some of the scenes are so illogical it's frustrating.

A better screenplay, set and directing would have lent this mess some respectability because the concept itself is very intriguing. It's a good idea with potential, gone wrong.

There are some unique kills, and I wasn't really distracted by overly bad CGI like in some comparable productions. I was too distracted by poorer qualities, I suppose.

The dialog is so bad, it exceeds description. The bad puns tossed out by our antagonist before each kill were insufferable. Even if they were aiming to be campy, it still failed.

I've seen better acting at middle school Thanksgiving pageants. The worst performance (arguably) was offered by Shawn C. Philips. He's no stranger to the horror genre. Perhaps he just did the best he could with the material he had? It's all terrible waste of several proved talents. Please do not judge the actors exclusively by this feature if you happen to be unfamiliar with their other work.

If you're a fan of other Sy-Fy channel movies and are prepared for their usual shortcomings, you may not be disappointed. Admittedly, this is not their worst work nor their best.

The story for this movie is hardly going to win any awards and it sets the scene for mediocrity which really underpins this movie.

Danny Trejo could have phoned it in for a movie like this but didnt he really put the effort in, unfortunately he was the only good part of the acting in this movie. Most of the acting was pretty meh and the headmaster and female teacher he goes around with are pretty awful, and whats worse get a good amount of screentime each.

The effects were certainly done on a budget but at the end of the day this is a horror movie which fundamentally doesnt scare you. It has a few 'jumps' which of course all the worst horror movies confuse with scary and thats it really.

Its nowhere near the worst I have ever seen and for a lazy afternoon viewing it could be worse but I wouldnt suggest it was a movie worth seeking out.

The demonic ghost of a long-dead school headmaster, along with his equally dead, but considerably more attractive, wife haunt a high school after a teacher dares to steal a gold coin owned by the ghost's grandson. Starring Danny Trejo as the janitor seeking his dead love,Justified's MC Gainey as the pun-afflicted demon, and the prolific Shawn C. Phillips as the token fat kid.

As to offer a counterpoint to the other reviews, I didn't find this to be a bad SyFy film, much less 'the worst' and actually found it no be a nice change of pace to the recent crop of 'nature run amok' offerings that they've been airing as of late. The acting is all right for a film of its ilk and the film was a bit of fun, although granted, the groan worthy puns by the ghost are pretty bad.

Haunted High (2012)

1/2 (out of 4)

The setting is a high school in New England where an old headmaster's spirit comes back to haunt and kill the students. It turns out this guy and his assistants were doing human sacrifices at the school and their spirits are back for some fun. HAUNTED HIGH is another incredibly stupid, incredibly bad movie from SyFy, which has very few redeeming factors. I knew I was in trouble because I was already bored out of my mind before the opening credits even started. Look, I know not to expect quality when it comes to turning into SyFy on Saturday nights at 9pm but at the same time I at least want to be entertained. This film here is pretty much useless to horror fans for a number of reasons but the biggest is that it's certainly not scary. I love ghost movies but this here will probably go down as one of the worst I've ever seen. For starters, as I said it's not scary but even worse is the fact that the CGI ghosts are all lame and the effects just don't work. It also doesn't help that the headmaster says bad jokes and his assistant is more annoying than anything else. The death scenes are all forgettable and the majority of the characters are just bland. I will say that I enjoyed Lauren Pennington so let's hope she get more and better work in the future. I also enjoyed Shawn C. Phillips here as I thought he brought quite a bit to the film. I didn't realize this guy was "famous" until after I watched the movie and checked out his credits. I also want to give the film credit for casting "real people" and what I mean by that is the fact that the cast features real looking people that you'd expect to find in a real world and not just those from a modeling school. Heck, even Danny Trejo shows up. Still, HAUNTED HIGH is pretty worthless and the only thing to really consider is if it's worse than SyFy's BIGFOOT.

High school senior Jonathan Baron (as Quentin Smith) agrees to help a history teacher in the boiler room. They drop some mystical gold coins Mr. Baron inherited from his grandfather, which causes the old man's spirit to appear. Ghostly grandfather M.C. Gainey (as Lionel Danforth) causes earthquakes in the New England private school. Baron's girlfriend Lauren Pennington (as Whitney Douglas) starts seeing things. People get slaughtered - in very violent ways. Wizened janitor Danny Trejo (as Ortiz) joins the students in battling Mr. Gainey...

In featured roles, thin Marc Donato (as Colt) and thick Shawn Phillips (as Blake) overextend their years in high school. Sexy librarian Charisma Carpenter is seen briefly. The opening credit sequence is a highlight, but the accompanying song - a re-write of Chuck Berry's "No Particular Place to Go" - could stir the rock 'n' roll star's once protective lawyers into action. The special effects aren't too bad, for this sort of thing. However, the TV Movie earns a failing grade as director Jeffery Scott Lando and his crew can't turn the effects into an engaging story.

*** Haunted High (8/25/12) Jeffery Scott Lando ~ Jonathan Baron, Lauren Pennington, M.C. Gainey, Danny Trejo