Jason Bateman credited as playing...
Guy Trilby
- Guy Trilby: [to a mother who swore in the presence of Chai] Why don't you take your potty mouth, go locate your pre-teen cock-sucking son and stuff him back up that old blown-out sweat sock of a vagina and scoot off back to whatever shit-kicking town you came from!
- Guy Trilby: Hey, Moms, let's break out the rubber pillowcases tonight. Little pricks, you're gonna be countin' tears, not sheep.
- Guy Trilby: [to Chaitanya] If you don't point your curry hole that way, and sit your fucking ass back down in that seat, I'm gonna tell the captain that your bag is ticking.
- Chaitanya Chopra: Do you remember your winning word? I'm Chaitanya, remember?
- Guy Trilby: I can't do it again, Shwarma.
- Chaitanya Chopra: Chaitanya. How about just your favorite word?
- Guy Trilby: I'm serious pal.
- Chaitanya Chopra: You don't have one?
- Guy Trilby: I don't. Nope. Sorry.
- Chaitanya Chopra: Mine is subjugate. It just sounds so cool, you know? Subjugate. Subjugate. Subjugate. What's yours?
- Guy Trilby: How about 'shut the fuck up?'
- Chaitanya Chopra: Well, that's four words - a sentence, really.
- Jenny Widgeon: I was wondering what the grammatical significance of that sentence is: "Why run from fire ants?"
- Guy Trilby: Well, every vowel's in there, starting with the u, going to the a. Right, it's backwards?
- Jenny Widgeon: ...Well, I guess it's pretty easy, y'know, for a sentence. Y'know, I wish there was one word that had all the vowels in it in alphabetical order.
- Guy Trilby: "Facetious."
- Jenny Widgeon: Sonofabitch!
- Chaitanya Chopra: This soda pop is so delicious.
- Guy Trilby: I'd just say soda, otherwise you're gonna get raped.
- [Trilby gives Dr Bowman a letter]
- Dr. Bowman: [rips up the letter] What could YOU give me that would be so interesting to read?
- Guy Trilby: [disappointed] Well, there's a part in there about me being your son.
- [walks off]
- Guy Trilby: I'm not that good at a lot of stuff. Especially thinking things through. And that's why this plan was so shitty. But my feelings were hurt, and I'm glad I at least did something about it. Making bad decisions is nothing new to me.
- Chaitanya Chopra: Not everything is about winning.
- Guy Trilby: I know that's true. Closure is pretty nice too.
- Guy Trilby: Bill Bowman will never forget who I am. And I think that this is the bare minimum that a son can expect from his father, don't you?
- [first lines]
- Guy Trilby: [narrating] I'm not that good at a lot of stuff. Especially thinking things through. And that's why this plan was so shitty. But my feelings were hurt, and I'm glad I at least did something about it. Making bad decisions is nothing new to me.