James Corden credited as playing...
Baker • Narrator
- Baker: As the Prince anxiously waited, the stepmother took matters, and Florinda's foot, into her own hands.
- Florinda: Careful, my toe!
- Stepmother: Darling, I know!
- Florinda: What will we do?
- Stepmother: It'll have to go/but when you're his bride/you can sit or ride/you'll never need to walk!
- [cuts off Florinda's toe and Florinda screams in pain]
- Baker: Minus one toe, Florinda mounted the Prince's horse, unaware of the blood dripping from the slipper. Lucinda was next...
- Lucinda: Why won't it fit?
- Stepmother: Darling, be still/cut off a bit of the heel and it will/and when you're his wife/you'll have such a life/you'll never need to walk!
- [cuts of Lucinda's heel and Lucinda screams in pain]
- Baker: Minus a heel, Lucinda did her best to swallow the pain.
- Stepmother: It's a perfect fit your highness!
- [Lucinda faints]
- Baker's Wife: You got the cape?
- Baker: What have you done with the cow?
- Baker's Wife: ...She ran away.
- Baker: What?
- Baker's Wife: Never reached home. I've been looking for her all night!
- Baker: How could you!
- Baker's Wife: Well she might just as easily run away from you.
- Baker: But she didn't.
- Baker's Wife: But she might've done!
- Baker: But she didn't!
- Baker's Wife: BUT SHE MIGHT'VE DONE!
- Baker: BUT SHE DIDN'T!
- Witch: [magically appearing] WHO CARES! Cow's gone! Get it back! Get it back!
- [last lines]
- Baker: [he tells a story to the baby, Jack, Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella] Once upon a time, in a far-off kingdom, there lived a small village at the edge of the woods. And in this village, there lived a young maiden, a carefree young lad, and a childless baker... with his wife. And one day, the baker and his wife were in their shop when a witch burst in, blowing the door off the place. And she said, the curse upon her and they have to get four items. One, the cow as white as milk, two, the cape as red as blood, three, the slipper as pure as gold...