Alexander Ludwig credited as playing...
Chris Briggs
- Kurt: What are you, a fag?
- Chris Briggs: My dads are gay, so shut the hell up.
- Kurt: Yeah, right! Gay guys can't have kids! They're too busy going to discos and having sex with each other. It's actually a pretty cool lifestyle.
- Kurt: By the way, what's with you and Max? Are you guys having sex? Because if not, I wouldn't mind bench pressing her with my dumbbell.
- Chris Briggs: Listen, brah, you're not bench pressing anyone with your dumbbell! If I so much as hear your dumbbell took a Pilates class...
- Kurt: What?
- Chris Briggs: I'm gonna cut it off.
- [the kids strap Tina into a lifejacket and tape oven mitts to her hands]
- Tina: Why do I have to wear all this stuff again?
- Chris Briggs: Because you're scripted to do a striptease at the slumber party, and when you take your top off, Billy comes running.
- Tina: But why does he hate my boobs? Cuz they're not big?
- Vicki Summers: Tyson wanted to come here tonight and I was like, "Oh my God, no," but here we are. So, you win, Tyson!
- Chris Briggs: So, you didn't see my post about it, or anything?
- Vicki Summers: No, I don't go on your stupid Twitter. Which, by the way, has lost three more followers today.
- Chris Briggs: What are Bathematicians?
- Duncan: Camp Bloodbath fans. It's kind of our awesome nickname.
- Gertie Michaels: Did you know that a nickname immediately becomes uncool when you give it to yourself?
- Gertie Michaels: Max, do you want to jot any of this down or...
- Chris Briggs: Oh, no, it's okay, Max. I've already got a copy. You can copy from me later or I can give it to you if you... If you want. I'm gonna stop talking.
- Chris Briggs: Okay. So, the myth of Persephone. Max, you want to take this one?
- Max Cartwright: Sure. She's the daughter of Zeus and she eats pomegranate seeds and then Hades kidnaps her to the underworld.
- Chris Briggs: Yeah. Okay, good. So, they go back to the underworld and Persephone is freaking out, and Hermes is like, It's okay, it's okay. Just keep looking forward, or we'll be stuck here forever.