J.K. Simmons: Kai

Kung Fu Panda 3

Kai

[from clip]
Kai: You must be the Dragon Warrior.
Po: And you must be Kai. Beast of vengeance, Maker of widows.
Kai: YES! Finally thank you. Almost makes me want to spare your life.
Po: Oh you want to spare me huh? How about you spare me the chit-chat alright let's do this.
Kai: I'm going to take your chi then the chi of every panda in the...
Po: Augh! chit-chat
Kai: In the...
Po: Chitty-chitty-chat-chat, chat-chat-chat!
Kai: In the...
Po: Chit-Chat!

Kai: Who are you?
Po: I've been asking myself that question. Am I the son of a panda? The son of a goose? A student? A teacher? I'm all of those things.
[Po's chi forms the shape of a dragon around him]
Po: I am the Dragon Warrior! Get it? You see the giant dragon?

Kai: [Kai has materialized in a vast field; two farmers cower in fear of him] What is this place?
Rabbit Villager: [uneasy] Ah... my brother's farm?
Kai: Ah. If I stepped on you, would you die?
Rabbit Villager: [both cower as the Goose lays eggs in horror] Y-yes.
Kai: The Mortal Realm.
[speaking to jade talisman of Oogway]
Kai: You hear that, Oogway? I'm back.
[Yells]
Kai: Kai has RETURNED!
Rabbit Villager, Farmer Goose: Who?
Kai: Kai. General Kai. Supreme Warlord of all China!
Farmer Goose: I dunno.
Kai: The Jade Slayer. Master of Pain. You may know me as the Beast of Vengeance. Uh... Maker of Widows?
Farmer Goose: Huh?
Kai: [Exasperated] Okay, I used to work with Oogway?
Rabbit Villager, Farmer Goose: Oh, Master Oogway!
Farmer Goose: He was a great warrior!
Rabbit Villager: We've heard of Master Oogway, he's a...
Kai: [cutting their chatter] Okay, okay, enough. SILENCE!

Oogway: [the two fight in the Spirit Realm] You've grown stronger!
Kai: 500 years in the Spirit Realm. You pick up a thing or two.
[brandishes jade amulets]
Kai: I have taken the chi of ever master here!
Oogway: [Gasps] No!
Kai: Yes. And soon, I will have *your* power, too!
Oogway: [Pleading] When will you realize? The more you take, the less you have.

Kai: [to Crane] Your chi is strong, just like your friend,
[brandishes Mantis talisman]
Kai: the bug.
Crane: Mantis!
[tries to attack Kai but is overpowered]
Kai: Don't worry, little birdie. I'll put your chi to good use: destroying the Jade Palace and *everyone* in it.
Crane: No!
[kicks barrel at Kai, then flies off, but is caught]
Crane: Wings of... Regret!

Shifu: [Kai is destroying stone statues outside the Jade Palace] I will not let you destroy Oogway's memory!
Kai: Why not? He destroyed mine.

Po: [dueling Kai in the Spirit Realm] You want my chi so bad? Then take it.
[Po redirects his chi to Kai]
Kai: Yes, the power is *mine*!
[as the chi fills his body, he begins to glow and his jade amulets float away]
Kai: Wait, no. It's too much. It's too much! No!
[Kai vanishes in a burst of light]
Kai: NO!

Po: [Po is about to perform the Wuxi Finger hold on Kai] Sorry, buddy. Gotta send you back to the Spirit Realm. Skadoosh.
[flexes his pinky]
Po: OK, that didn't work. Let me try one more time. Skadoosh.
[flexes his pinky again, then over and over]
Po: Skadoosh, skadoosh, skadoosh. What the ?
Kai: Hold on, wait! It's working. No! No!
[pretends to gag, then chortles]
Kai: No, it's not. Did Oogway teach you that little trick? Too bad it only works on mortals. And *I* am a Spirit Warrior.

Kai: [to his jade zombies] Find Oogway's students and bring them to me.
[to jade talisman of Oogway]
Kai: By the time I am done with them, Oogway, there will be no one left who will even remember your name.
[laughs evilly]
Kai: KAI IS COMING!