Ariel Winter credited as playing...
Alex Dunphy
- Claire Dunphy: Okay, we gotta hit the road. Give your sister a hug goodbye.
- Haley Dunphy: [Hugging Alex] Don't dork up our room.
- Alex Dunphy: Don't slut up your college.
- Haley Dunphy: [pause] Seriously, though, don't study too hard, okay?
- Alex Dunphy: I'm totally going to have fun. I'm Iceland in the mock U.N.
- Haley Dunphy: Mom, we're gonna lose her.
- Claire Dunphy: I am doing my best.
- Claire Dunphy: Luke, come say goodbye to your sister.
- Luke Dunphy: [wearing a mask of Megatron] I'm right here. Bye, Haley. Have fun. Don't drink too much beer and shots of tequila.
- Haley Dunphy: Why are you wearing that mask?
- Luke Dunphy: Uh, I-I like it.
- Claire Dunphy: He doesn't want you to see him cry.
- Alex Dunphy: He's literally masking his emotions.
- Luke Dunphy: No!
- Phil Dunphy: That's so sweet.
- Haley Dunphy: Come here.
- Luke Dunphy: It's not sweet. I'm an evil cyborg. Half my face was burned off in an industrial accident, and the mask is hiding the servos that control my mouth.
- Phil Dunphy: Haley, this is, like, the third bag of makeup and hair care products.
- Haley Dunphy: Dad, if you want me to get good grades, I have to look cute.
- [to Alex]
- Haley Dunphy: Don't say a word.
- Alex Dunphy: No, no. I agree with that premise.
- Haley Dunphy: Thank you. Wait.
- [Thinking]
- Haley Dunphy: Yeah, thank you.
- Phil Dunphy: If I could just have everyone's attention real quick. Um, on this wonderful occasion - our daughter leaving tomorrow for college - if I could get everyone to raise their glass as I quote from one of our nation's great fathers: Jefferson. George Jefferson. "I never dreamed that one of my own would be going off to a university. But here I stand, a proud black man, knowing that all those hours I put in at the dry cleaner-"
- Claire Dunphy: Phil.
- Phil Dunphy: Not now, Weezie. Where was I?
- Haley Dunphy: Quoting that president.
- Alex Dunphy: Okay, if *she's* the future of America, we should start using Chinese money now.