Hope Jaymes credited as playing...
Jorie
- Phil Dunphy: [Sneaks up behind 'Claire'] I'd like admission to your student body.
- [Grabs her butt]
- Jorie: Ahh!
- Phil Dunphy: Oh, my goodness! I am so sorry. I thought you were my wife.
- Jorie's Dad: What's going on?
- Jorie: He grabbed me and said...
- Phil Dunphy: I thought she was my wife. My wife works out a lot.
- Haley Dunphy: Dad?
- Jorie's Dad: How'd he grab you?
- Jorie: He squeezed my butt.
- Jorie's Dad: He what?
- Claire Dunphy: Phil!
- Phil Dunphy: I thought it was you! Believe me, sir, I'm a respected realtor. This is an innocent mistake. Honey, turn around and show him your-your butt. It's-it's uncanny.
- Haley Dunphy: [Urging him to stop] Dad! I am very normal. Please do not judge me based on them.
- Jorie: Are those your My Little Pony sheets?
- Haley Dunphy: What? No!
- Claire Dunphy: Oh. I ordered them online. They must have sent the wrong ones. I'm very sorry.
- Phil Dunphy: That's what's was in the box.
- [Accidently knocks the box over, spills out the condoms Claire packed]
- Phil Dunphy: Okay, uh, for the record, I am a respected realtor. Those are not my condoms.
- [Points at Claire]
- Phil Dunphy: She bought 'em.
- Haley Dunphy: Oh, my God.
- Phil Dunphy: Apparently, that's what people do these days - but condoms for their kids. When I went to college, my parents bought me a bicycle helmet. That was their idea of safety. Certainly didn't need condoms.
- Claire Dunphy: Mm. Not if you were wearing a bike helmet around campus, you didn't.
- [laughs]
- Claire Dunphy: Am I right?
- Haley Dunphy: Ugh!
- [Sits with her head in her hands]
- Jorie's Dad: ... why don't we let you guys finish, and we'll come back later?
- Claire Dunphy, Phil Dunphy: Okay.
- Phil Dunphy: Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah. That sounds good. See you on parents weekend!
- Claire Dunphy: They seem nice!