Lord of Tears

This was a recommendation, it was suggested to me that this looked like it could potentially be scary stuff! It was not, it truly truly wasn't.

Lord Of Tears is one of those horrors that thinks it's a lot smarter than it actually is, an over convoluted plot, an arthouse look and student film level quality.

An English horror I'm surprised just how much I walked away disliking the film, some of the visuals are adequate but there is just no substance, lackluster performances and honestly the plot is a mess.

I like the concept I do, but it was utilized so incompetently it left the film a barely watchable embarassment.

I'm not a great lover of British cinema at the best of times but this is British cinema in the hands of people who have no place in the industry.

Certainly one to avoid.

The Good:

Beautiful scenery

Visual effects are quite good in places

The Bad:

Acting is sub-par

Comes across like a bad arthouse film

Awful scoring

At several points I did actually ask myself what the hell I was watching

Plot is seven shades of awful

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

No accent grinds on me more than a Scottish one

You can stay in the Mansion featured in the film for just under 400 British pounds per night

I'm all about Horror (and I mean Horror, with capital "H"), Thrillers, Film-Noir, Suspense and some (very few) Indie films (or "Artsy") When I took a look at the trailer it seemed to have a healthy mix of those things I always enjoyed watching (as an example, my favorite movies in the above mentioned genres are "The Exorcist" I and III, Jacob's Ladder, Alien and Angel Heart, just to mention a few).

Alas, (almost) none of these elements are to be found in "Lord of Tears", though the effort seems genuine.

What really transpires through out the entire movie is confusion and insecurity; at best. And I assure you, you will feel it as well.

There is a lot of needless repetition in imagery (that - it self - is under-achieved, though one can imagine what the intention was for it), a lot of rushed shots and out of sync/time with the general emotion it was trying to convey (either too soon for said shots or too late... or too much of it, to be honest). I had this constant feeling the director/writer (maybe both) had several ideas and were trying them all out and were unable to choose the most effective ones and ended up using them all. Well, that was not a good idea.

A movie is also about pace/timing. And pace/timing is nowhere to be seen nor felt.

Also, there are ideas there that are used ad nauseam: too many "flash shots", too much of the female character later "pole dancing" (seriously, that particular part of the movie made me facepalm, smirk and yawn all at once). Too much pseudo-romance. Too much of many things I can't tell or I'll end up ruining the perfect opportunity for you to also facepalm, smirk and yawn as I did (if you indeed want to watch this movie).

The intention is good, that is all about the good things I have to say about it, and I honestly wish the best of luck to the people involved in making this movie, and may they take the experience and learn with it.

The only thing horrific about this film is the lead actor. This is unquestionably the worst performance I've EVER seen, in any medium. Just excruciating. Why was he cast? How? And it's not as if the cast as is poor, in fact the quality of the support, (especially Lexy Hulme who was wonderfully warm and quirky and mesmerising) makes Douglas's performance all the more painful. The film's one-way chemistry was so cringe inducing I actually felt like writing to his co-star to apologise. The fact that he even struggles to portray an attraction to the genuinely endearing performance of a pretty girl, is even more damning.

But the massive problem it creates, is that because of the nature of the film, a terrible central performance isn't something you can just overlook. The film is designed to be a haunting, dread fuelled tale about an entity with an owl's head, but all the creepy cinematography, sound design and unsettling visuals in the world are worthless against a lead actor who fundamentally cannot sell any of it to an audience. Trust me, I desperately wanted to love this film, but thanks in whole to the terrible lead, it's nothing more than a huge waste of some really great elements. By all means ignore this review and give it a go, but within ten minutes I guarantee you'll be in total agreement.

Wow. Just. Holy cow, what a cringefest. I mean, I am pretty tolerant of cheese you guys, but this stinks. It stinks. What a tremendously awful film. Almost everything about it just assaulted my senses. To be fair, the scenery was beautiful and the setting deserved a better movie. But they don't get credit for Scotland being cool.

The writing was awful, the plot boring, the acting - dear god. Who are these people? Why are they in a movie? Who let this happen? These characters are zero-dimensional, and these actors should stop. Just stop now and pursue other career choices.

You know when you are watching a movie and it's so bad you are embarrassed when other people walk in the room? Like you have to have an excuse for why it's so awful? This is that. They are lucky Scotland is eerie, or this 2 would have been a 1.

Lord of Tears promised me something unique and terrifying, but it didn't quite deliver what I had been hoping.

For a movie funded by kickstarter and working with a tiny budget, it's well-made. The artistic direction, photography, and everything visual in this film is wonderful. The score is beautiful and unsettling when it needs to be: very appropriate. The concept of the film had so much potential, potential which was completely bunked because of the performances within the movie.

The lead, Euan Douglas, wasn't absolutely awful, but something seemed to be holding him back, causing his acting and lines to appear stiff and awkward and uncomfortable at best. This could have been a problem with script or direction, but I would be willing to bet that it might have been conflict with the second-in-lead, Alexandra Hulme.

Hulme's performance was atrocious. It takes a lot for me to dislike a character which is not meant to be the target of audience hostility, but Hulme managed to accomplish this. For me personally, her over-acting and forced lines and exaggerated movements really tarnished the otherwise appealing movie. Had the part been taken up by another actress, it might have been an entirely different horror movie, but instead, Hulme has dragged my review down to a 3/10, and beset me with bitterness and buyer's remorse.

A lot of people tend not to expect much with horror movies, but the truth is that it's very much an art, as with any other genre. To really scare someone or cause unrest or discomfort, whatever the horror movie's motive may be, there's a delicate balance that must be maintained through visuals, music, and performances. If just one portion is off, it can ruin the experience entirely.

I wanted to like this movie very much. I'm a huge supporter of independent horror and Hollywood horror alike, but as the extensively positive reviews led me to this film, I needed to address it from my own point of view. I don't know where the 8.2 rating came from.

TL;DR: the marketing was brilliant, the visuals stunning, and the score beautiful, but the performance of Hulme just completely ruined it for me. This was not the horror movie that I was looking for, though it seemed to promise that it was.