Julia Louis-Dreyfus credited as playing...
- Eva: Oh, the Container Store?
- Albert: Yes, yes, the Container Store. The store that sells crap so you can put your crap in so you can go out and buy some more crap.
- Eva: I love that store. I love crap.
- Eva: I could not believe what I was watching! No brains, and the fake cheekbones, and the fake boobs. Do you like fake boobs?
- Albert: ...No. No, I like real boobs.
- Eva: Yeah - I got real boobs.
- Albert: ...That's workin' out for us then.
- Eva: Did they just turn the music louder.
- Albert: No, I think you just got older.
- Albert: So while you were, uh, being torn, she was poisoning our relationship and poisoning your perception of me. Now why would you want that?
- Eva: I don't know, I mean, except maybe I was trying to protect myself, you know, because, you know, we've both been married before. And you know how things can turn out.
- Albert: What about us? What about protecting us?
- Eva: I didn't protect us.
- Eva: You have, like, eighty million toothbrushes.
- Albert: I do?
- Eva: Yeah.
- Albert: I only use one of them.
- Eva: Then why don't you just throw the other ones out?
- Albert: I don't know. Because they're my friends?
- Eva: I'm tired of being funny.
- Albert: Me too.
- [last lines]
- Albert: I should tell you... I bought some night tables.
- Eva: You did?
- Albert: No.
- [Eva laughs]
- Albert: No, I didn't.
- Eva: OK, that's good.
- Eva: [Albert's daughter has just left with some friends] You think they have threesomes?
- Albert: What? Why would you say that?
- Eva: I know, but apparently, that's what they're doing these days. That's what I heard.
- Will: Eva was just telling me that there are no men at this party she's attracted to.
- Eva: Ah, okay!
- [laughs nervously]
- Eva: I don't know why you would make that announcement. But, um...
- Albert: Really? Is that unusual?
- Eva: No, actually. To be honest, it's not unusual. No offense.
- Albert: No no, that's okay. It's okay. There's no one here I'm attracted to either.
- Eva: I don't usually park in front of your house. I usually just drive by.
- Albert: Sometimes I drive by your house, too.
- Eva: You do?
- Eva: She's really nice and she's funny, she's got great taste.
- Will: And very attractive.
- Eva: Yeah. You probably think all the women at this party are attractive.
- Will: Eh, pretty much.
- Eva: Is Tess coming home for Thanksgiving?
- Albert: She's already here. She's-she's over at her mother's. I want to go over there later. You want to come?
- [Eva laughs]
- Eva: I like your paddles.
- Albert: I like your ass.
- Will: Oh, honey! Why do you keep doing this?
- [rearranging furniture]
- Eva: She's filling a hole.
- Will: [to Sarah] I'll fill your hole.
- [Eva gives disgusted look]
- Sarah: Different hole.
- Eva: He's kind of fat.
- Sarah: He is?
- Eva: God, he's got this big belly.
- Sarah: Well, I mean you've got nothing to lose.
- Eva: No, but he does.
- Eva: She's smart.
- Sarah: So are you.
- Eva: Maybe she's ultimately right though, I'll say.
- Sarah: Are you ultimately right about Peter? Just because you didn't want him, does that make him unlovable?
- Eva: By anyone normal.
- Tess: He just really really liked you.
- Eva: I just really really liked him.
