Robert Downey Jr. credited as playing...
Tony Stark • Iron Man
- Steve Rogers: But if you put the hammer in an elevator?
- Tony Stark: It'll still go up.
- Steve Rogers: Elevator's not worthy.
- Maria Hill: All set up boss.
- Tony Stark: Actually he's the boss.
- [points to Captain America]
- Tony Stark: I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.
- Tony Stark: What's the vibranium for?
- Ultron: I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
- [blasts Stark]
- Iron Man: [Entering a room full of Hydra soldiers] Guys, stop. We gotta talk this through.
- [Shoots all the Hydra men non-fatally with tiny guided missiles]
- Iron Man: It was a good talk.
- Fortress Soldier: No, it wasn't!
- [Rhodey and Stark use their armored hands to TRY to budge Thor's hammer]
- James Rhodes: Are we even pulling?
- Tony Stark: Are you on my team?
- James Rhodes: Just represent! PULL!
- [Tony tries to lift the Mjölnir]
- Tony Stark: Alright so if I lift it then I rule Asgard?
- Thor: Yes, of course.
- Tony Stark: I will be reinstituting prima nocta.
- Tony Stark: [Clint is introducing the Avengers to his wife] This is an agent of some kind.
- Clint Barton: Gentlemen, this is Laura.
- Laura: [smiles] I know all your names
- [Clint and Laura's kids come into view]
- Clint Barton: Oh, Incoming. Hi sweetheart. Hey buddy!
- [hugs kids]
- Clint Barton: How are you guys doin'? Look at your face! Oh my goodness!
- Tony Stark: These are... smaller agents.
- Lila Barton: Did you bring Auntie-Nat?
- Natasha Romanoff: Well why don't you hug her and find out!
- Tony Stark: [Searching for secret door] Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door...
- [Finds and opens secret door]
- Tony Stark: Yay!
- Iron Man: And for gosh's sake, watch your language!
- Captain America: [resigned] That's not going away anytime soon
- [None of the Avengers can lift the Mjölnir, but Captain America moves it slightly]
- Tony Stark: It's biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation.
- Thor: Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: You are not worthy.
- [an attack occurs]
- Ultron: [enters] Worthy? How could you be worthy? You're all killers. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. There's only one path to peace... your extinction.
- Iron Man: Cap, you got an incoming!
- Captain America: [after being hit and tossed by an Ultron] Incoming already came in!
- Iron Man: Is no one going to comment that the Cap just said "language"?
- Captain America: I know! It just slipped out
- Tony Stark: Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?
- Steve Rogers: Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. Kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.
- Tony Stark: Yeah, give him time. We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him.
- Steve Rogers: Earth's mightiest heroes... pulled us apart like cotton candy.
- Tony Stark: Seems like you walked away alright.
- Steve Rogers: [stares at Tony] Is that a problem?
- Tony Stark: I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.
- Steve Rogers: Well let's just say you haven't seen it yet.
- Tony Stark: You know Ultron's trying to tear us apart, right?
- Steve Rogers: Well, I guess you know. Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question.
- Tony Stark: Banner and I were doing research...
- Steve Rogers: -That would affect the team.
- Tony Stark: -That would END the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight'? So we get to go home?
- Steve Rogers: [Splits wood with bare hands] Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
- [the Hulk is on a rampage]
- Tony Stark: [in the Hulkbuster] Listen to me, that little witch is messing with your mind. You're stronger than her, you're smarter than her. You're Bruce Banner!
- [the Hulk roars and throws a car at Stark]
- Tony Stark: Right, don't mention puny Banner...
- Thor: No one has to break anything.
- Ultron, Tony Stark: Clearly you've never made an omelet.
- Tony Stark: He beat me by one second.
- Laura: I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
- Tony Stark: Yeah, I'll give her a kick
- Tony Stark: [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
- Nick Fury: Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
- Tony Stark: [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?