The Big Ask

Heavyzine, I saw this film at the Seattle International Film Festival with an enthusiastic crowd of three hundred attendees. It is clear from your review that you haven't seen it all, and are instead using this forum to vent a very particular personal prejudice. Normally I wouldn't bother with a post like yours, they are legion on the internet, the product of disturbed, jealous, damaged people. But in this case you're attacking a really well thought, well made film. One that you would actually enjoy if you saw it. And people need to see it so we can have more like it, and so the producer and director and writer can be rewarded for their hard work. If you imagine there is a trace of misogyny in "The Big Ask." You should've been at SIFF. You could've seen the actors and actresses praise the film, and you would heard the audience go wild because we knew we'd all just discovered something really good. That's what film festivals are all about! Please, everybody reading this, support your local festivals! And Heavyzine, just go watch the damn thing. Okay? It's heartfelt, it's sensitive, it pretty sexy, and it's funny as hell. You'll like it. It's good.

Despite its high-concept, almost absurdist premise, The Big Ask is grounded in a very real set of emotions. A man dealing with extreme grief finds himself in need of a tremendous (and unreasonable) outpouring of love. His loved ones are eager to help but feel frustrated and exhausted by just how needy he can be. Anyone who has experienced loss or tried to love someone through loss has dealt with some form of these issues.

The directors elicit commanding performances from their stellar ensemble cast. The film looks great and most of all the script is authentic, funny, and really quite moving. A fine, fine film.

This film is a horrific example of rape culture.

The primary focus is on the emotions and reactions of the male characters, and whether they should "allow" their friend to have sex with their girlfriends, with much less focus on whether the women themselves would actually want to sleep with the creep. The clear implication is that the female characters' decisions are secondary, if they are to have any say in the matter at all.

The fact that this is described as a "comedy" albeit a slightly dark one, is the only laughable thing about it. There's nothing funny about watching a group of over-privileged white men arguing about who should be allowed to have sex with their female property.

Awful.

With a premise/plot as I'll conceived and ridiculous as this it'd take a miracle of direction to make it plausible and enjoyable. Well it doesn't happen and within 15 minutes this film degenerates into absurdly stupid scenarios and mind numbing diss as dialogue. Physically painful to endure. Insulting to women and everyone else with an ounce of sense or decency. Typical self indulgent nonsense from people who think they possess talent.

OK, the three adjectives above are the first three that come to mind when thinking about describing this film. Another one is "surprising" because I was expecting a comedy. Optimum on Demand describes it as a dark comedy and lists it under comedy in its genre lists. Actually, this is not only surprising, it's horrifying, to think that anyone would categorize this film as a comedy. At least IMDb adds "drama" to it. Granted it has its comedic moments, that one might think of as "droll" or "dark humor" but overall it's a film that takes on some heavy issues, and its main character is going through some deep stuff with intense feelings, including pain and suffering. The people out there who may think how he responds to his dilemmas as humorous, well, I hope I never meet them, because I know I will hate them. Anyway, I did not hate this movie. In fact, by the end I liked it much more than I thought I would. And, I think it's worth a second viewing because it's the kind of film in which one might miss stuff the first go around.