Max Greenfield: Josh

About Alex

Josh

Sarah: You're a dick.
Josh: Yeah. All men are dicks, Sarah. We're hardwired that way.
Sarah: Yeah, but you're a dick who thinks he's better than a dick because he can back up his dickish behavior with psychobabble and pseudoscience.

Josh: Let me tell you something about Bruce Springsteen, okay? Never trust anyone who is that passionate about the state of New Jersey.

Josh: The Japanese are the most wacked-out people on earth.
Sarah: Oh my God, you're like an 8 year-old racist.
Josh: An 8 year-old racist... Look, you cram that many people on an island, it's like a throbbing inbred hothouse of cultural miasma. Frankly, I'm surprised they don't have more fetishes.

Josh: Sometimes things, they need to be said. And in those instances, being an asshole comes in handy.

Siri: Josh, I really fucked up.
Josh: I know. He'll get past it. It's ironic, though.
Siri: Why?
Josh: I just thought that if you were ever going to slip up, it would be with me.

[last lines]
Josh: [posing for group picture] Alright, posture everyone.
Kate: [holding the camera] Uh, I'm going to need you to get a lot closer together than that.
Sarah: Okay.
Ben: Come on, come on.
[arm around Alex]
Josh: Alright. I'm going to pose a quick idea, you guys. Maybe next time we do this, it's a happy occasion.
Alex: Is there going to be a next time?
Isaac: Uh oh.
Sarah: Alex...
Kate: Okay. One, two...

Josh: I taught you all of Calc 21 and then you went off and did better than me on the exam; I'm not teaching you how to chop wood.

Isaac: So, what are we making, Sarah?
Sarah: We are making chilled watermelon soup and sea scallop risotto.
Josh: What? What are we making again?
Sarah: I'm sorry, can you do something helpful?
Josh: Did you say risotto?
Sarah: Can you please do something helpful?
Josh: The joint is not going to roll itself, Sarah. And I am making a magical appetizer dish that is going to make your risotto taste so much better.

[first lines]
Night Editor: [entering] Ben. Your page's set?
Ben: Mm, yep. Almost.
[looking at picture]
Ben: Jesus, Alex.
[answering the phone]
Ben: Hello? Yes, this is him, but I'm at work. So...
Josh: [now answering his phone] Used to have a freshman roommate named "Ben", but that ass-wad hasn't called me in ages. What?
Sarah: [on her phone] And no one was there? He was... Alone? Yeah, of course he was alone. That was stupid. Yeah, I can probably get up in a couple hours. I just need a little bit of time to get out of here.
[more work gets set on her desk]
Isaac: [walking while on his phone] Well, he's gonna be okay. That's the most important thing. Okay.
[checking incoming call]
Isaac: I gotta take this. Hang on a sec... Babe? Yeah, I'm fine. Just got to the office - I'm gonna leave from there.

Josh: Ben, can I ask you something? Was it difficult, as a couple, when the iPhone 4s came out? Because I can imagine, here you are, minding your own business, and then everybody's asking her a question.
Ben: You're a fucking idiot.

Alex: I've got great southern exposure, so I was thinking of installing a solar array. And um, maybe a few rainwater basins too.
Josh: That sounds great, Alex. Then you'd have everything you need to start a cult.

Sarah: Maybe we should make one of those pacts where if we're still single when we're 35, we all just get married.
Alex: Who, the *three* of us?
Sarah: Yes, and Timmy of course.
[indicating the dog]
Sarah: We'll make a great dysfunctional family. How's that sound Timmy?
Josh: I'd consider it.

Ben: I can't remember what happened last, me writing something good or me and Siri having sex.
Josh: So basically what you're saying is that you're *blocked* in more ways than one.

Josh: I figured that I would be far less curious now if I'd just done a better job of...
Alex: ...doing more drugs in college.

Josh: Give me a break, I'm not listening to that.
Ben: What?
Josh: It's like we're gripped by this never-ending nostalgia for our parents' music. It's oppressive.