Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- Leonard Hofstadter: D'you know what? That was pretty crappy of you. I mean, all I wanted to do was give you a great night and it's like you, you went out of your way to destroy it.
- Penny: Yep. I know. I'm a total bitch.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not saying that.
- Penny: Well, I am.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ah, fine, you win; you're a bitch. Why couldn't we just have a nice time?
- Penny: I don't know. Maybe 'cause things are going so well between us lately and I've been really happy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: OK. You're going to have to make a lot more sense than that.
- Penny: Obviously, I have some commitment issues.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Glaringly obvious. Go on.
- Penny: As long as things keep going great between us, you'll keep asking me to marry you and eventually I'm going to end saying yes then we're going to be married forever and the whole think just freaks me out.
- Leonard Hofstadter: O.K. I know I propose a lot... so, how about this? I promise I will never ask you to marry me again.
- Penny: What? What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No. No, no, no, no, no. But if someday you decide to you want to get married, you have to propose to me.
- Penny: Really?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. It's all on you. But I got to tell you when the time comes I want the whole nine yards; I want you down on one knee, flowers, I want to be swept off my feet.
- Penny: Yeah, you got it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: And I'm cool with surprises, but nothing on the Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on a big screen like that.
- Penny: O.K. You know what, this might be the wine talking, but I have a very important question to ask you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You do?
- Penny: Leonard Hofstader.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes?
- Penny: Will you be my valentine?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sorry, maybe next year.
- [Leaves for the door, then turns around]
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm just kidding. Romance ninja! Let's have sex! Whoo-yah!
- Penny: It's just not fair, okay? They're bad people. It's not supposed to end happy for them, it's supposed to end happy for me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Um, it did end happy for you; you're here with me.
- Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Now this is getting a little hard to not take personally.
- Penny: Oh, come on, don't make this about you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, I'm not; it's about you.
- Penny: Yeah, well, whatever, okay? I told you Valentine's Day sucks.
- Leonard Hofstadter: This one does, and you're the reason why.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [after Penny's ex-boyfriend proposes in the restaurant] Two can play this game.
- [Gets down on one knee]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Penny...
- Penny: Get up!
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right.
- Penny: It's just there's so much pressure to make the night special, and it never works out.
- Leonard Hofstadter: 'Kay, well this time it's going to be different, because I am like a romance ninja. Hm. You don't see it coming, and then Bam! Romance! Watch out! Hearts! Kisses! Love! Boo-yah!
- Penny: You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be, and then you go and do that.
- [first lines]
- Penny: You'll never believe what happened to me at work today.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Mph?
- Penny: This old guy was choking on his food and I saved his life.
- [she makes a choking sound]
- Leonard Hofstadter: You're kidding; did you Heimlich him?
- Penny: No, I said "Oh, my God, I think that old guy's choking!" and one of the busboys Heimliched him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You're a hero!
- Penny: Yeah, that *was* the point of the story.
- Howard Wolowitz: I was trying to come up with something really romantic to give Bernadette for Valentine's Day, since she's been such a pain in the ass.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Can't find a card that says that?
- Howard Wolowitz: Check it out; I used the atomic force microscope in the materials science lab and wrote our initials in a heart one one-thousandth the size of a grain of sand.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh-hoho, that's cool.
- Howard Wolowitz: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
- Leonard Hofstadter: From her micro-husband.