Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Les Misérables: Musical Review

Nostalgia Critic

Brentalfloss: [singing] Where's the Critic? I don't get it. Where in God's name did they go? Got my PhD so quickly. Though I got it from Russell Crowe.
Nostalgia Critic: [singing] We don't need anymore help with this review. I got it covered with my current crew.
All: [singing] One big song!
Nostalgia Critic: [singing] So kick your feet back. And have a couple beers.
All: [singing] One big song!
Nostalgia Critic: Watch this commercial. With our voices ringing in your ears. Singing this...
All: [singing] One song big... big song one... one big sooooooooooong!
Platypuss Bunny: One big song!

Oancitizen: [singing] Look down. Look down. Don't look right at the screen.
Nostalgia Critic, Paw: [singing] We can't. We tried. It's just too damn obscene.
Nostalgia Critic: [singing] The singing's live. Who's bright idea was that?
Oancitizen, Paw: [singing] Probably the guy who gave Javert that hat!
Paw: [singing] Come on. You guys. It's not that bad per se.
Nostalgia Critic, Oancitizen: [singing] But Russell Crowe
Paw: [singing] Okay! Okay! Okay!

Nostalgia Critic: Hearing Crowe debate ethics is like watching a rock argue with itself.

Nostalgia Critic: Valjean then sings about how important it is to protect Marius, describing him like a son - a son he's only known for a few minutes.
Jean Valjean: [singing] God on high/Hear my prayer
Oancitizen: This is especially disrespectful to the original, as the song was supposed to be sung quietly and soothing. Here, he belts it out.
Jean Valjean: [singing] If I die/Let me die
Oancitizen: I'm surprised he doesn't wake up the entire army.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, and I suppose Colm Wilkinson did much better?
Oancitizen: He did! Much better!
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, and his
[imitating with his hand]
Nostalgia Critic: awkward lip movements didn't result for hilarious sounds like this?
Colm Wilkinson: [singing onstage at the 10th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables] Bring me ho-ome.
[Nostalgia Critic and Paw chuckle]
Oancitizen: Well, OK, maybe not every note was perfect, but I don't...
Colm Wilkinson: Ho-ome?
[Nostalgia Critic and Paw laugh heartily as Kyle looks irritated]
Paw: Did he swallow a fish?
Oancitizen: It's still better than Jackman.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, I don't know. Jackman never sounded like a vomiting cat in reverse.
Colm Wilkinson: Ho-ome? Ho-ome? Ho-ome?
[Nostalgia Critic and Paw can't help but laugh hysterically. Oanacitizen is clearly upset and close to rage and tears]
Oancitizen: Stop it!

Oancitizen: [on Russell Crowe's singing] When you get down to it, he's in tune. He knows how to phrase his melodies. But he's using a different style. He's trained in rock and folk, a subdued, naturalistic style. Musical theater is grand and stylized, and because of that, the nature of the aesthetic makes it easy to spot a faker.
Nostalgia Critic: On top of that, Crowe likes to use his acting method of "If I act like I don't care, maybe I can trick you to care." But in this film, all the other actors seem to have that pesky mindframe of wanting to emote and convey actual emotion.

Nostalgia Critic: That's Colm Wilkinson?
Paw: Yeah!
Nostalgia Critic: It can't be!
Paw: Why not?
Nostalgia Critic: I can understand him. He usually sounds like Sean Connery if his lips were being stretched by a rice picker.
Colm Wilkinson: [Wilkinson sings onstage] The cries in the dark that nobody hears/Here where I stand at the turning of the years?
Nostalgia Critic: I mean, shouldn't this be more like...
[imitates Wilkinson's singing]
Nostalgia Critic: Dere izh wine here to revive you/Dere izh bread to make you zhtro-ooong.
Oancitizen: [through his teeth] You will leave that man alone. He is a musical treasure.
Nostalgia Critic: I will for now, Kyle. But my collection of Colm Wilkinson funny voices will not go untouched.

Nostalgia Critic: So, final thoughts on the movie?
Paw: Well, I think it's great. It did a wonderful job to update the musical, as well as adapt it in a way that moviegoers would enjoy. It has its problems here and there, but I think it's fantastic just to see it in movie form.
Oancitizen: Well, I thought it was terrible. It's clumsy. It's awkward. It's full of moment upon moment that doesn't work. And it commits the biggest crime any adaptation could: It made me question whether or not the material it's adapting was that damn great to begin with.
Oancitizen, Paw: [Leaning in on The Nostalgia Critic] Yoooouuuuu?
Nostalgia Critic: Well, uh, as someone who enjoyed the musical but acknowledges that it had problems, I think the film is kinda similar. Some moments hit it right out of the park, and others don't even make it up to bat. So, on the whole, I'm glad I saw it. But I don't think it's great.
Oancitizen: Wait, so it's
[points at Paw]
Oancitizen: like,
[points at himself]
Oancitizen: dislike, and
[points at The Nostalgia Critic]
Oancitizen: indifferent.
Nostalgia Critic: Well, hell, that's pretty much what the rest of the critics of the world thought. There's no real majority consensus. It's one of those movies that is so hard to get a fix on that pretty much everybody had a different reaction to it.
Paw: Well, what the hell kind of a conclusion is that?
Oancitizen: We need *some* kind of opinion to force on the viewers
Paw: Yeah.

[last lines]
Katara: Hello, Critic. We're Waterbenders.
Nostalgia Critic: Ohh, look, I'm not really into new-age religion. Pretty much they all tell me I'm still going to hell.
Sokka: No no, we're not here for that. I'm Sokka, and this is my sister Katara.
Nostalgia Critic: Well obviously! And, uh, what's your guys' story?
Katara: Well, I am the motherly, emotionally center.
Sokka: And I'm funny!
Nostalgia Critic: Uh huh, well look, can you two freaks waterbend the hell outta here?
[Katara begins to bloodbend The Nostalgia Critic. She moves her arms so he is under her control. She makes him beat himself in head repeatedly]
Katara: Not until you save the franchise.
Nostalgia Critic: Franchise! What franchise?
Sokka: There is a great evil that has damaged our world, and only you can restore balance.
Nostalgia Critic: What are you talking about?

Nostalgia Critic: Jesus, guy, take a few steps back! I can see the scenery you've been chewing between your teeth!