Arleen Sorkin credited as playing...
Harley Quinn
- The Joker: Not now.
- Harley Quinn: But, puddin', Batman's headed your way.
- The Joker: Get out!
- [bowing to Lois]
- The Joker: Pardon my hasty exit. We have a pest-control problem.
- [to Superman lying on the ground]
- The Joker: Feel free to expire anytime.
- The Joker: [Mercy shoots up his hideout] Honestly Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already?
- Lex Luthor: [grabbing him] You maniac! You idiot! How dare you use one of *MY* laboratories for you...
- The Joker: Harley?
- Harley Quinn: [karate-flipping in] Put him down, baldy!
- Lex Luthor: Mercy!
- Mercy Graves: [attacking Harley] Here's for that punch in the face!
- The Joker: Can't we discuss this like gentlemen?
- Harley Quinn: Ooh! Listen to little miss can't-take-a-joke!
- The Joker: [Lex lets him go] Thank you. Have a seat. Please.
- Harley Quinn: [attacking Mercy] Banzai!
- The Joker: Think of it, Ms. Lane. This rock is more precious than gold. One teensy chip will go for thousands on the collectors' market... after it kills your flyboy. Heh!
- Lois Lane: [as he smashes the statue in half, Harley removes her gag] You sick, demented, murdering freak!
- Harley Quinn: How rude!
- [stuffing the balled-up gag in her mouth]
- Harley Quinn: Ha!
- The Joker: Half for now and half for later. You've got a front-row seat for the story of the century, my dear: the death of Superman.
- The Joker: [trapping Batman in with Superman and Lois] Two for the price of one. I love it! And the best part is, you're all going out with a smile.
- Harley Quinn: Have a happy...!
- Batman: [throwing the kryptonite at the TV, then looking for a way out] Hydrochloric acid. It would take a week to eat through the wall.
- Superman: [weakly] No... wait. Kry... kryptonite.
- Batman: [quietly, after using the acid to melt the kryptonite down] Snap out of it, Kent, or Joker gets the last laugh.
- Superman: [flying up to rescue Lois] Keep your heads down.
- Harley Quinn: [feeling the tremor from Superman crashing through a door] Uh-oh. They're loose!
- The Joker: That's not fair.
- Lex Luthor: You owe me an explanation.
- The Joker: The lab was a perfect setup. How did I know old Bat-breath would show up?
- Lex Luthor: Batman? He followed you to Metropolis?
- The Joker: Right, like it's my fault. Look, I've still got half the kryptonite. I can still finish the job. But if I have to cope with two men in tights, the price goes up.
- Lex Luthor: Unacceptable. If you can't handle some mental case in a fright mask, our deal is off. Mercy! Let's go.
- [to the Joker]
- Lex Luthor: Keep in mind... this is your last chance.
- The Joker: [Harley is banged up after fighting with Mercy] How you doin', slugger?
- Harley Quinn: [weakly] A-OK, Mr. J.
- [he pats her on the back and she collapses]
- Harley Quinn: [flashing a cookie-like treat in Joker's face] Hello, Mr. J. I'm Batman. Eat me. Eat me. Eat me!
- The Joker: I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley, but you see, anytime I blow a billion-dollar deal, it really kills my appetite!