Anna Faris: Christy Plunkett

Belgian Waffles and Bathroom Privileges

Christy Plunkett

Christy: Dammit, I forgot I have to take Violet to her doctor's appointment!
Bonnie: I know, I had Luke take her in early. She's gained 3 pounds, the baby's the size of an heirloom tomato.

Christy: So... you got up at like, dawn? You woke, dressed and fed Roscoe and took him to school, made sure Violet got to the obstetrician, and had time to pick up Starbucks and croissants?
Bonnie: It's the least I could do. I wanted to pay back your generosity. Enjoy your breakfast, I'll get started on the laundry.
[leaves the room, picking up clothes]
Christy: [pause] Why is this pissing me off so much?

Christy: Why do you want to read the Bible?
Violet: Because I'm curious.
Christy: What? I didn't raise you to be curious.
Violet: Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul.
Christy: Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass.

Christy: Did Roscoe ask where I was?
Bonnie: He did. I told him even though mommies and daddies get divorced, they still love to have hot monkey sex. What? Kids love monkeys!
Christy: Mom!
Bonnie: Kidding, I'm kidding, I told him you were camping.
Christy: He bought that?
Bonnie: He's adorable but let's face it, we're looking at trade school.
Christy: What about Violet?
Bonnie: Community college.
Christy: Not that, I mean...
Bonnie: I know, she just thinks you're a godless fornicator.
Christy: [pause] I'm not godless.

Christy: I will not have Luke's father filling your head with religion telling you what to think.
Violet: Why not?
Christy: Because that's my job.
Violet: Well you didn't *do* your job, we don't have a religion.
Christy: Sure we do, we just keep it on the down low.
Violet: Okay, what is it?
Christy: It's... be nice to people.