Bo Burnham credited as playing...
Self
- Bo Burnham: I think we should do a poem now! This poem's a little bit sappy, a little bit romantic, so we'll get it out of the way now.And then, we'll go back to the dirty stuff that, you know, everybody loves at a late show or whatever. It's called: "I Fuck Sluts"!
- Female in Audience: [Cheers loudly]
- Bo Burnham: It's not a roll call, but thank you.
- Bo Burnham: The world's so sad, bros. Pain. Genocide. War. Sexism. Racism. But I've gotta remember there's good things about it, too. Like the fact that none of that's happening to me! Score! Still though, it's hard not to be sad about it. How do y'all do it? I've been telling you guys terribly sad things this whole song. You haven't been sad at all. You've been, you've been happy. No, you've been laughing. That's it! Laughter! It's the key to everything! It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world. I mean, not for the people that are actually sad, but the people like us that gotta fucking deal with them all the time. Being a comedian isn't being an insensitive prick, capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it's being a hero! The world isn't sad! The world's funny! I'm a sociopath!
- Bo Burnham: I saw an old man slip and fall. Hey, what a fucking idiot! I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral. Ha ha ha! Classic comedy! Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now. The Holocaust and 9/11? That shit's funny 24/7 'cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about, because my empathy is bumming me out. Goodbye sadness! Hello jokes.
- Bo Burnham: I love my baby and you know I couldn't live without her, but now I need to make every girl think this song's about her.
- Bo Burnham: Yo fellas don't you hate it when you're blowing a guy and he ends up being a faggot! AM I RIGHT?