Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: How am I faster than you? I'm in heels, *and* I stopped to take a phone call!
- Leonard Hofstadter: I have asthma. Back off!
- [first lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: So. Couldn't help but notice. None of you RSVP'd to my murder mystery dinner party.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh yeah. We were meaning to do that.
- Raj Koothrappali: No you weren't, because it was a week ago and nobody came! So if you want to solve the mystery of who stabbed Koothrappali in the back with the weapon of indifference, it was all of you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't think that qualifies as a mystery. We all knew what we were doing.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: We're sorry, Rajesh.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Maybe we can do it next week.
- Howard Wolowitz: Whoa, whoa, not that sorry.
- Raj Koothrappali: Don't worry, I can take a hint. No more murder mystery parties.
- Sheldon Cooper: Great.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hallelujah.
- Raj Koothrappali: Because I've got something better planned!
- Howard Wolowitz, Leonard Hofstadter, Amy Farrah Fowler: Aaw.
- Sheldon Cooper: Come on.
- Raj Koothrappali: Just hear me out. I'm going to make you guys a scavenger hunt like they have at M.I.T.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, I loved those. I did them every year there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We did them at Princeton too.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that's cute. Like it's a real college.
- Sheldon Cooper: Amusing. I was going to say that about M.I.T., but it works for Princeton, too.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Scavenger hunts at Harvard we're really tough. I always got stuck on the first challenge; trying to find someone to be on a team with me.
- [laughs]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I guess that story's more sad than funny.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm okay with you driving my car; I'm not okay with you flying my car.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Don't sweat it; my dad's a cop; used to fix things.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh-huh. Like *death*.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay, guys, go ahead and divide yourselves into teams of two.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Should we just do couples?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Couples sounds great, or we could mix things up. Maybe pick names out of a hat; whatever.
- Penny: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why don't you just admit you don't want to be on a team with me?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I just said couples sound great.
- Penny: Hm-mm. Yeah. You don't think I'm smart enough. You just think I'm going to be a liability. Even though I totally just used liability correctly in a sentence.
- [Amy nods at her]
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, let's do couples. I want to.
- Penny: No, no, no. Let's mix things up. I choose Sheldon; we're going to kick your ass.
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? The only time I'm ever picked first for a team, and I'm stuck with the liability.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Stop that. Penny is not a liability.
- Penny: Thank you. Do you want to be on my team?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Maybe we pick names out of a hat?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Quitting would be the worst thing for your relationship.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Because it would make you seem like something she already thinks you are.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What does she think I am?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: How do I put this? She's been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part... Or a cat... Or a willow.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, Penny, I just wanted to say good luck, and I hope there's no hard feelings.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [angrily] Hey!
- [punches Leonard in the chest hard]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Romeo! Repair your relationship on your own time!
- [everyone is shocked at Raj about the outcome of the game]
- Leonard Hofstadter: [tiredly] Are you kidding me?
- Penny: [incredulously] That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [huffing] You suck... so hard!
- Penny: [to Leonard] You know, I'm surprised you want to copy my answers since I'm not even smart enough to be on your team.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, why would you want to be on someone's team who you like to call a... I can't even say it in front of Sheldon.
- Penny: What are you talking about?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know exactly what I'm talking about.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: No, he doesn't. I just made that up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why would you do that?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Because you were about to quit like a big... Sheldon, cover your ears.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm not a child. I know the word "ninny".
- Penny: [to Leonard] Yeah, well, you should have quit 'cause I'm still gonna beat your ass.