Age of Kill

An absolutely appalling movie, and that's better than the acting. The cast is like a who's who of cockney actors with a bit of female eye candy thrown in. Martin Kemp cast as an ex special ops agent was an awful idea and the movie just gets worse as it goes on. Nick Moran also stars in the movie which was a bit baffling has he's a decent actor I personally think. I've never watched Eastenders while smoking crack but I reckon this would pretty much be close to the result. Avoid and save yourself the hour and whatever.

Watched this through a free movie app. Well, where do I start with a review?

If ChatGPT wrote an entire film plot and script based on TV shows 'The Bill', 'Sweeney' and 'Blind Date' with Cilla Black - then it would churn out this.

Then if you went to the local cookery college and offered all students and lecturers a couple of grand to try acting, but chucked in some decent actors - then you'd have your cast.

Gun props bought from Home Bargains.

Give it a watch. It's awesome. I mean, it's like an endurance challenge, but worth it in the end as you'll have joined an exclusive club. I'm hoping for some kind of special goody bag through the mail someday soon.

I own a goodly amount of low-budget, Lahnden-set actioners by producer Jonathan Southcott, and usually they are reliably bullet-shredded, if somewhat uninspired thug-soaked thrillers, with, perhaps, the sole exception being diamond geezer Danny Dyer's grisly chav-killer 'Vendetta'! The pacey, slick-looking 'Age of Kill' finds our gun grey, gun-happy glamourpuss hero Blake (Martin Kemp), a magnificently moody, dead-eyed government spook, renowned for his unusually keen marksmanship, and Martini cool demeanour in the diabolical midst of a maniacal terror plot, with his beloved daughter kidnapped by a prototypical terrorist psycho, resplendent in black bally, and a natty red boiler suit! The resourceful Blake must now undertake his deadliest mission thus far, heroically rescue his gobby progeny, protect some skinny brass (April Pearson), all the while keeping his immaculately coiffed barnet in perfect nick, which the cinematically studly Kemp does with enviable panache!

At its best, Neil Jones's 'Age of Kill' is pure, unfiltered Seagal tosh, and it even has its own spiffing, terse-sounding Seagal-esque moniker! While the tired text is frequently prosaic, the dynamically dashing, gimlet-eyed Martin Kemp appears wholly energized, making for a lean, handsome, sharp-shooting tough guy, while Patrick Bergin just seems happy to be working, the charisma-bypass Dani Dyer is, thankfully, barely in it, and Bruce 'Warlock' Payne is the least convincing prime minister since Boris Johnson! I dug it, and, to his credit, stolid actor Nick Moran delivers the film's most credible performance as the sleazy, smoothly sinister far-right rabble-rouser Roy Dixon. If, like me, you enjoyed J. K Amalou's equally formulaic Gary & Martin Kemp-starring gangster flick 'Assassin' you will know exactly what to expect here. (It might have been considerably more entertaining overall if they got someone from Sigue Sigue Sputnik to play the voicebox-gibbering villain, jus' sayin'!)

This might actually be the first bad British movie I've ever seen. The plot concerns the following : A military sniper played by an actor exactly 10 years too old for the part has his daughter kidnapped by Mysterious Man who will kill her if he doesn't kill 6 people he chooses in 6 hours. Got it? Besides the glaring fact that there are ninety ways for him to get out of it with his supposed "expertese" and all, he does his bidding. Prepare for the most amateur and laughable fight scenes while he does. At one point he dispatches a victim and Mysterious Figure tells him good : "Now where are you?" In other words, he's NOT being watched. So....just fake it and move on. When he's chased by a helicopter, I say again, a HELICOPTER, he takes 4 shots at it with a handgun. It simply vanishes. It ends with a surprise that anyone could see coming followed by a "lesson learned" moral from an American who loves the Twilight Zone. This is a movie that desperately needed Jason Statham and a rewrite.

Poor casting and worse acting make this a cringe fest . I guess if you have the hots for Mr Kemp you may watch to the end.