Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Leonard Hofstadter

Leonard Hofstadter: How am I the bad guy? She the one who married someone else. I'm the victim.
Howard Wolowitz: Sounds like Zack's the victim. You're sleeping with his wife.

[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter: The math is all there; it's not real
Penny: Yes, it is!
Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, uh, look. It is scientifically impossible for a person tip a cow. Even you with your stocky build and lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it.
Raj Koothrappali: It's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat a million hamburgers.
Raj Koothrappali: Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.
Penny: I'm telling you I've done it, okay? I clearly remember the cow standing up and then the cow on its side.
Leonard Hofstadter: Were you drunk?
Penny: I was sixteen in Nebraska, what do you think?
Leonard Hofstadter: I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny: That would explain why the sky was also on its side.

Penny: Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I spent one in Vegas.
Leonard Hofstadter: You did?
Penny: Yeah. Back when I was dating Zack. It was actually more fun than I thought. We gambled, went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels. We had a really good turkey dinner which was surprising since we were at a strip club.
Leonard Hofstadter: What? You went to a chapel?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
Penny: We had one those silly fake weddings.
Leonard Hofstadter: Penny, you know those are real, right?
Penny: [laughing it off] No, they're not.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, they are.
Penny: [Looking worried] No, they're not.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, they are.
Sheldon Cooper: He's right.
Amy Farrah Fowler: They're real.
Penny: [quietly] But it didn't feel real.

Penny: Why are you making this such a big deal?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard's proposed he's gotten a resounding no. That's just off the top of my head.
Penny: How do I undo this?
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm just hoping you can get a annulment which is like it never happened.
Penny: Great. Well, what do I have to do?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions are met. Were you unable to consummate the marriage?
Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon laughs] Penny? Next.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding?
Penny: Want of understanding? What does that even mean?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

Leonard Hofstadter: Why won't you sign it?
Zack Johnson: I just think splitting up can be rough on kids.
Penny: We don't have any kids!
Zack Johnson: Are you sure? Cause you didn't know we were married until this morning.

Penny: Here.
[gives Howard a bottle]
Penny: Thank you for having us.
Howard Wolowitz: What's with you?
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, she's mad at me because she just found out she's married to Zack.
Howard Wolowitz: Really? That dumb ass you used to date? That's,
[laughs]
Howard Wolowitz: that's hysterical.
Penny: [grabs bottle back] I can't believe I felt bad for opening this in the car.

Mr. Rostenkowski: I've kept a marriage together for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?
Leonard Hofstadter: Sure.
Mr. Rostenkowski: I'm trying to watch the game. Shut up.

Leonard Hofstadter: It would actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about *my* cooking all day.
Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, uh, excuse me, but every year you prepare a terrible meal and every year I criticize it. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?