Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Just seen this movie on Pick TV channel.

Well, I was entertained but just not in the way that was intended... Or was it?

Honestly, everything about this movie is atrocious. Literally EVERYTHING.

But despite that, I watched the whole thing. Why? Because I can only assume it was filmed on a shoestring budget and presumably without a script or any any idea about continuity or without considering if the cast could act - everyone could have a go at acting. Lovely. They even went to the trouble of hiring people with zero sense of balance as at every opportunity people would run up to water or places in general with the Lampreys in the vicinity and just fall over.

Honestly I don't want to go into detail as it's not really worth the effort but if you like awful movies which waste an hour and a half of your life then this is worth a go.

This movie wasn't bad considering it was done by the Asylum. The same Asylum who did all those "cheesy" SyFy movies. The only thing that ruined this movie was the fact that I've lived in Michigan most of my life, and the scenery was not Michigan. It was California. Not taking anything away from California, but I'm familiar with that area, and it is much more beautiful than in the movie. They didn't use a fictatious lake in the movie, and they could have added to the movie by filming it in the area. The only thing that was Michigan in this movie was the license plates on the vehicles, and maybe the Sea Lampreys. The movie seemed to be well done otherwise, and the acting was OK. I was surprised to find this movie airing on Animal Planet. I missed a good portion of it, but it showed again, so I was able to record it to my DVR. If you like a decent monster flick this one will work in a pinch.

I only downloaded and watched this movie because of Zack Ward. But I couldn't bear to watch any other scene without him in it, it really seemed that he was the only one that actually was good at acting out of the entire cast. I'll at least give this a two because I really love him. It also made me mad that they didn't give him a role as the main character, come on people! Give my boy some love and give him the role of the main character. If you love Zack Ward just watch the scenes that include him, but if you don't really know who he is don't watch this awful film.

Knowing (and dreading…) the The Asylum production studios, it has to be said immediately that "Blood Lake: etc…" is a lot less rubbishy then their usual work. By no means should you expect a great movie, obviously, but at least this isn't as insultingly retarded and preposterous as for example - oh I don't know - "Sharknado" or "Mega Piranha". The main reasons why this film is more or less a success, I presume, are the original choice of animal species (so original even that Animal Planet aired the film) and the fact that it's largely an old-fashioned type of 'creature feature horror flick in terms of plot, characters and structure. Haters could of course quote this last argument to claim that "Blood Lake" is very clichéd and derivative, but I firmly believe that ALL animal attack movies are fundamentally a rip-off of the almighty "Jaws". Although filmed in sunny California, the events supposedly takes place in a little lake town in the state of Michigan. They struggle with a lamprey infestation, and after the aggressive eel-like monsters devoured all the fish in the lakes, they break through the hydraulic turbines and into the city's water reservoir. The simple plot easily allows all the familiar clichés to be present. There's the obnoxious mayor who severely underestimates the dangerous situation and absolutely wants to avoid at all costs that his town gets negatively portrayed in the media, the hero's disobedient teenage daughter who flees from her bedroom and ends up in peril and the chaotic beach attacks. It's all very enjoyable since director James Cullen Bressack assures there is sufficient action and not too much idiocy. The Asylum has the bad habit of over-sizing their monsters, but the lampreys luckily remain their natural modest size. The film stars a few familiar faces, most notably Christopher Lloyd as the outrageous mayor and Shannen Doherty as the concerned family mother. Shannen got a little chubby in the face, but hey, she's a woman over forty now and no longer the rebellious Breda from "Beverly Hills 90210".

In this movie, killer eels go through the plumbing, slither up Christopher Lloyd's butt, then pop out his mouth.

That's horrifying on oh, so many levels that have nothing to do with this being an effective horror picture, which it is not.

That the famously reclusive character actor apparently needed the dough so badly that he'd add this call-in DTV role to his Reverend Jim / Doc Brown / Uncle Fester repertoire is sad enough. That he shakes and gesticulates in every of his few scenes like he's got the delirium tremens makes me worry for his sobriety.

But when the scariest thing in your horror movie is Shannen Doherty's face -- most specifically her Botox-frozen lips and cig-poisoned skin pallor -- you're gonna want to use your digital effects to make your lead actress look at least a bit less revolting than your vampire water snakes.

You didn't here. Ugh. Not ugh blood-sucking eels. Ugh Shannen Doherty.

Nobody dies spectacularly; none of the hot girls take their clothes off; the ending's a letdown. The Asylum, ladies and gentlemen.

Netflix "Night of the Creeps" or "Slither" instead for a movie that takes awesomely better advantage of its similarly dumb premise.