Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

As someone who grew up watching good monster flicks, it kills me to see what has happened to the genre over the years, what with the crappy CGI and lack of effort from everyone involved. Sadly instead of getting better, things just keep on getting worse as demonstrated by the recent "Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys". Airing on Animal Planet (Animal Planet? What the hell!!!) it presents your run of the mill nature gone wild story when more aggressive than normal blood sucking lampreys (scary, real-life snake like fish) invade a lake near a small town in Michigan. Now in the right hands, this may have ended up being some what of a decent flick. Unfortunately, it becomes a prime example of bad movie making without the so bad it's good quality. A big problem with the film is that there is not a single ounce of tension to be found anywhere. Instead, people just die violent deaths and you end up with something more disgusting than scary. Second, the special effects, (if you can call them that!) would make even the crappiest effects from fifty years ago look spectacular in comparison. But perhaps the biggest reason why the film fails is the lack of care from the actors. In the old days, when actors did monster flicks they undoubtedly knew they weren't doing Shakespeare. But that didn't stop them from giving everything they had to the part and as a result, even a cheap grade B movie could end up being something memorable. Here, you can just tell the actors' hearts just aren't in it. Even Christopher Lloyd (Yes, that Christopher Lloyd!) fails to give his usual eccentric, bigger than life performance. Then again, looking at what he has to work with, I can't say I blame him and the same would probably go to all the other actors involved. If Animal Planet wants to have its own drama shows, then maybe they should bring back productions like "Lost Tapes". It may have been a bit of a rip off of "The Blair Witch Project", but at least the people involved there gave a damn about what they were doing. I could go on but you get the point. My best advice to you is to avoid this film at all costs and as for the actors involved, disavow and deny that you had any part in this disaster what so ever!!

Knowing (and dreading…) the The Asylum production studios, it has to be said immediately that "Blood Lake: etc…" is a lot less rubbishy then their usual work. By no means should you expect a great movie, obviously, but at least this isn't as insultingly retarded and preposterous as for example - oh I don't know - "Sharknado" or "Mega Piranha". The main reasons why this film is more or less a success, I presume, are the original choice of animal species (so original even that Animal Planet aired the film) and the fact that it's largely an old-fashioned type of 'creature feature horror flick in terms of plot, characters and structure. Haters could of course quote this last argument to claim that "Blood Lake" is very clichéd and derivative, but I firmly believe that ALL animal attack movies are fundamentally a rip-off of the almighty "Jaws". Although filmed in sunny California, the events supposedly takes place in a little lake town in the state of Michigan. They struggle with a lamprey infestation, and after the aggressive eel-like monsters devoured all the fish in the lakes, they break through the hydraulic turbines and into the city's water reservoir. The simple plot easily allows all the familiar clichés to be present. There's the obnoxious mayor who severely underestimates the dangerous situation and absolutely wants to avoid at all costs that his town gets negatively portrayed in the media, the hero's disobedient teenage daughter who flees from her bedroom and ends up in peril and the chaotic beach attacks. It's all very enjoyable since director James Cullen Bressack assures there is sufficient action and not too much idiocy. The Asylum has the bad habit of over-sizing their monsters, but the lampreys luckily remain their natural modest size. The film stars a few familiar faces, most notably Christopher Lloyd as the outrageous mayor and Shannen Doherty as the concerned family mother. Shannen got a little chubby in the face, but hey, she's a woman over forty now and no longer the rebellious Breda from "Beverly Hills 90210".

Anyone that even remotely liked this movie is ether brain dead or worked on its production. There is just nothing good to say about it except it does end. The story is stupid, the special effects are as fake as the setting, there are no palm trees in Michigan, the music sounds more like it should be playing in a funeral home, the acting is really bad, I am just amazes that Americans waste there time making something so bad that a person feels robbed of his own time watching it. I would have not even given it one star but there is no option for that. The people that made this movie should be ashamed of themselves. Christopher Loyd has sunk to a low level and I really like him and it is sad that this is all he can get as a acting job. The only thing I wanted to happen to the cast is they all should have been killed by the Lampreys, that would be the only justification for staring in this mess of a movie.

BLOOD LAKE: ATTACK OF THE KILLER LAMPREYS is the latest monster movie from those schlock purveyors at The Asylum. It's as cheesy as it sounds, but somehow also quite nifty for an Asylum film and certainly nowhere near as bad as I'd feared. It comes across as a rip-off of PIRANHA 3D in its depiction of a multitude of underwater menaces and even features Christopher Lloyd to hammer home the similarities.

The story is simplistic and barely worth recounting. A local water supply is contaminated by lampreys with a taste for human flesh and various authority figures have to combat the menace. I like the underwater nature of these monster flicks as you get all the scenes of swimming pools and showers being invaded by the creatures as well as the local lake. Plus, the CGI isn't too bad here. It's no better than in a giant monster film but the fact that the creatures are small just makes them look more realistic.

Shannen Doherty is the big name here, but she's clearly past it and looking embarrassed by the whole thing. The rest of the cast are as wooden as they come, aside from the hammy Lloyd. It's a predictable, action-focused romp that nevertheless offers plenty of creature action and death and destruction, and it's also a notably gruesome offering with blood everywhere. It doesn't take much for a monster flick to entertain me and BLOOD LAKE just about gets by in this respect.

As awful as Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys is, I didn't think it was entirely without redeeming values. Christopher Lloyd(often has been one of the better aspects of bad movies, and he's had a fair share of those) is immensely fun to watch, Ciara Hanna is very sassy and actually seems to give a toss about the situation and there are some nicely composed shots here and there. However, the CGI effects are suspect at best and for me the lampreys weren't enough of a threat, we learn absolutely nothing about them, where they come from and why they're attacking and their attacks are not well executed at all. Instead they are very repetitive and come across as silly and lacking in variety, relying on silliness and excessive gore rather than genuine tension and suspense. The most inventive the attacks get is that facial expression freeze frame when one gets impaled, which did raise a good laugh. The music could and should have been used much less and plays too much of an over-dramatic dirge. The script is very flimsy, it's corny and underwritten and never allows us to identify with the characters or care about the situation. Suspense levels are next to non-existent, the movie is often too stupid and repetitive to be fun and there are exposition and melodrama parts that really plod and come across as ham-fisted. The story is very erratically paced, mostly on the dull end when ranked on the pacing spectrum, with absolutely no surprises, while not one single character is likable. Apart from Lloyd and Hanna, the acting- from people who have actually shown some degree of acting talent- is not very good. Most of them seemed oblivious to their situation and come across as annoying and charisma-free. Shannen Doherty also looks tired and acts it too. Overall, apart from a few shots, Lloyd and Hanna(and to some extent the freeze frame) Blod Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys is a mess. 2/10 Bethany Cox