Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Just seen this movie on Pick TV channel.

Well, I was entertained but just not in the way that was intended... Or was it?

Honestly, everything about this movie is atrocious. Literally EVERYTHING.

But despite that, I watched the whole thing. Why? Because I can only assume it was filmed on a shoestring budget and presumably without a script or any any idea about continuity or without considering if the cast could act - everyone could have a go at acting. Lovely. They even went to the trouble of hiring people with zero sense of balance as at every opportunity people would run up to water or places in general with the Lampreys in the vicinity and just fall over.

Honestly I don't want to go into detail as it's not really worth the effort but if you like awful movies which waste an hour and a half of your life then this is worth a go.

In this movie, killer eels go through the plumbing, slither up Christopher Lloyd's butt, then pop out his mouth.

That's horrifying on oh, so many levels that have nothing to do with this being an effective horror picture, which it is not.

That the famously reclusive character actor apparently needed the dough so badly that he'd add this call-in DTV role to his Reverend Jim / Doc Brown / Uncle Fester repertoire is sad enough. That he shakes and gesticulates in every of his few scenes like he's got the delirium tremens makes me worry for his sobriety.

But when the scariest thing in your horror movie is Shannen Doherty's face -- most specifically her Botox-frozen lips and cig-poisoned skin pallor -- you're gonna want to use your digital effects to make your lead actress look at least a bit less revolting than your vampire water snakes.

You didn't here. Ugh. Not ugh blood-sucking eels. Ugh Shannen Doherty.

Nobody dies spectacularly; none of the hot girls take their clothes off; the ending's a letdown. The Asylum, ladies and gentlemen.

Netflix "Night of the Creeps" or "Slither" instead for a movie that takes awesomely better advantage of its similarly dumb premise.

I only downloaded and watched this movie because of Zack Ward. But I couldn't bear to watch any other scene without him in it, it really seemed that he was the only one that actually was good at acting out of the entire cast. I'll at least give this a two because I really love him. It also made me mad that they didn't give him a role as the main character, come on people! Give my boy some love and give him the role of the main character. If you love Zack Ward just watch the scenes that include him, but if you don't really know who he is don't watch this awful film.

BLOOD LAKE: ATTACK OF THE KILLER LAMPREYS is the latest monster movie from those schlock purveyors at The Asylum. It's as cheesy as it sounds, but somehow also quite nifty for an Asylum film and certainly nowhere near as bad as I'd feared. It comes across as a rip-off of PIRANHA 3D in its depiction of a multitude of underwater menaces and even features Christopher Lloyd to hammer home the similarities.

The story is simplistic and barely worth recounting. A local water supply is contaminated by lampreys with a taste for human flesh and various authority figures have to combat the menace. I like the underwater nature of these monster flicks as you get all the scenes of swimming pools and showers being invaded by the creatures as well as the local lake. Plus, the CGI isn't too bad here. It's no better than in a giant monster film but the fact that the creatures are small just makes them look more realistic.

Shannen Doherty is the big name here, but she's clearly past it and looking embarrassed by the whole thing. The rest of the cast are as wooden as they come, aside from the hammy Lloyd. It's a predictable, action-focused romp that nevertheless offers plenty of creature action and death and destruction, and it's also a notably gruesome offering with blood everywhere. It doesn't take much for a monster flick to entertain me and BLOOD LAKE just about gets by in this respect.

This movie wasn't bad considering it was done by the Asylum. The same Asylum who did all those "cheesy" SyFy movies. The only thing that ruined this movie was the fact that I've lived in Michigan most of my life, and the scenery was not Michigan. It was California. Not taking anything away from California, but I'm familiar with that area, and it is much more beautiful than in the movie. They didn't use a fictatious lake in the movie, and they could have added to the movie by filming it in the area. The only thing that was Michigan in this movie was the license plates on the vehicles, and maybe the Sea Lampreys. The movie seemed to be well done otherwise, and the acting was OK. I was surprised to find this movie airing on Animal Planet. I missed a good portion of it, but it showed again, so I was able to record it to my DVR. If you like a decent monster flick this one will work in a pinch.