Martin Freeman credited as playing...
Dr. John Watson
- Dr. John Watson: [being furious with Sherlock] I'm an army doctor, which means I could break every bone in your body while naming them.
- Mrs. Hudson: And I noticed you published another of your stories, Dr. Watson.
- Dr. John Watson: Yes. Did you enjoy it?
- Mrs. Hudson: No.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh?
- Mrs. Hudson: I never enjoy them.
- Dr. John Watson: Why not?
- Mrs. Hudson: Well, I never say anything do I? According to you, I just show people up the stairs and serve you breakfast.
- Dr. John Watson: Well, within the narrative, that is, broadly speaking, your function.
- Mrs. Hudson: My *what*?
- Sherlock Holmes: Don't feel singled out, Mrs Hudson. I'm hardly in the dog one.
- Dr. John Watson: The dog one?
- Mrs. Hudson: I'm your landlady, not a plot device.
- Dr. John Watson: D'you mean 'The Hound of the Baskervilles'?
- Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock] I'm taking Mary home.
- Mary Morstan: You're what?
- Dr. John Watson: Mary's taking me home.
- Mary Morstan: Better.
- Dr. John Watson: Good Lord.
- Sherlock Holmes: [shouting to Mrs. Hudson who is downstairs] Mrs Hudson, there is a woman in my sitting room. Is it intentional?
- Mrs. Hudson: [replying from downstairs] She's a client, said you were out, insisted on waiting.
- Dr. John Watson: Would you, uh... care to sit down?
- Sherlock Holmes: Didn't you ask her what she wanted?
- Mrs. Hudson: You ask her!
- Sherlock Holmes: Why didn't YOU ask her?
- Mrs. Hudson: How could I, what with me not talking and everything?
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh.
- Sherlock Holmes: [to Dr. Watson] For god's sake, give her some lines, she's perfectly capable of starving us.
- Sherlock Holmes: Since when have you had any kind of imagination?
- Dr. John Watson: Perhaps since I convinced the reading public that an unprincipled drug addict was some kind of gentleman hero.
- Sherlock Holmes: ...Yes, now you come to mention it, that was quite impressive.
- Mary Morstan: I've been making enquiries. Mr. Holmes asked me.
- Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock] Holmes, how could you?
- Mary Morstan: No, not him. The clever one.
- Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, John.
- Dr. John Watson: Since when do you call me John?
- Sherlock Holmes: You'd be surprised.
- Dr. John Watson: No, I wouldn't. Time you woke up, Sherlock. I'm a story-teller; I know when I'm in one.
- Sherlock Holmes: Course. Of course you do, John.
- Dr. John Watson: So what's he like? The other me, in the other place?
- Sherlock Holmes: Smarter than he looks.
- Dr. John Watson: Pretty damn smart, then.
- Sherlock Holmes: Pretty damn smart.
- Sherlock Holmes: Between you and me, John, I always survive a fall.
- Dr. John Watson: But how?
- Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.
- Dr. John Watson: [after DI Lestrade's recount of recent events] Extraordinary!
- Mary Morstan: Impossible!
- Sherlock Holmes: Superb! Suicide as street theatre; murder by corpse. Lestrade, you're spoiling us.
- Dr. John Watson: [being angry with the maid] If it wasn't my wife's business to talk to the staff, I would deal with you myself.
- Dr. John Watson: [to Mycroft, regarding his eating habits] Well, now that you mention it, this level of consumption is incredibly injurious to your health, your heart...
- Sherlock Holmes: No need to worry on that score, Watson.
- Dr. John Watson: No?
- Sherlock Holmes: There's only a large cavity where that organ should reside.
- Mycroft Holmes: It's a family trait.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I wasn't being critical.
- Sherlock Holmes: May I ask, how is your husband this morning?
- Lady Carmichael: He refuses to speak about the matter. Obviously I have urged him to leave the house.
- Sherlock Holmes: No, no, he must stay exactly where he is.
- Lady Carmichael: Well, you don't think he's in danger?
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no, someone definitely wants to kill him, but that's good for us. You can't set a trap without bait.
- Lady Carmichael: My husband is not bait, Mr. Holmes.
- Sherlock Holmes: No, but he could be if we play our cards right. Now listen: You must go home immediately. Dr Watson and I will follow on the next train. There's not a moment to lose. Sir Eustace is to die tonight.
- Dr. John Watson: Holmes...
- Sherlock Holmes: And we should... probably avoid that.
- Dr. John Watson: Definitely.
- Sherlock Holmes: [correcting himself] DEFINITELY avoid that.
- Mrs. Hudson: And you make the rooms so drab and dingy.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, blame it on the illustrator. He's out of control. I've had to grow this moustache just so that people would recognize me.
- Dr. John Watson: [talking about his wife, Mary] Where did she go? She's always out these days.
- Jane: Not unlike yourself... sir.
- Dr. John Watson: I'm sorry?
- Jane: Just observing, sir.
- Dr. John Watson: Well, that's quite enough; nobody asked you to be observant.
- Jane: Sorry, sir, I just meant you are hardly ever home together anymore, sir.
- Dr. John Watson: You are dangerously close to impertinence. I shall have a word with my wife to have a word with you.
- Jane: [with a bit irony] Very good, sir. And when will you be seeing her?
- DI Lestrade: [after a failed attempt by Sherlock to catch a murderer] You really mustn't blame yourself, you know.
- Sherlock Holmes: No, you're quite right.
- Dr. John Watson: I'm glad you're seeing sense.
- Sherlock Holmes: Watson is equally culpable. Between us, we've managed to botch this whole case.
- [last lines]
- Dr. John Watson: As for your own... tale, are you sure it's still just a seven percent solution that you take? I think you may have increased the dosage.
- Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps I was being a little fanciful, but perhaps such things could come to pass. In any case, I know I would be very much at home in such a world.
- Dr. John Watson: Huh! Don't think I would be.
- Sherlock Holmes: I beg to differ, but then I've always known I was a man out of his time.
- Molly Hooper: Oh, isn't HE observant now that Daddy's gone?
- Dr. John Watson: I am observant in some ways, just as Holmes is quite blind in others.
- Molly Hooper: Really?
- Dr. John Watson: Yes. Really. Amazing what one has to do to get ahead in a man's world.
- [tips his hat and exits]
- Dr. John Watson: Holmes, could it have been twins?
- Sherlock Holmes: No.
- Dr. John Watson: Why not?
- Sherlock Holmes: Because it's never twins.
- DI Lestrade: Emilia was not a twin, nor did she have any sisters. She had one older brother who died four years ago.
- Dr. John Watson: Mm-m-m-m. Maybe it was a secret twin.
- Sherlock Holmes: A WHAT?
- Dr. John Watson: A secret twin? Mm? You know? A twin that nobody knows about? This whole thing could have been planned.
- Sherlock Holmes: Since the moment of conception? How breathtakingly prescient of her. It is never twins, Watson!