Gary Schwartz credited as playing...
Heavy • Demoman
- Spy: [drawing card from Bucket list] Our first dying wish is Scout's! He's... drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car.
- [examines closely]
- Spy: I have... something radiating off me.
- Scout: Yeah, those are stink lines.
- [to Heavy]
- Scout: That's why the car hit 'em: because he smells!
- Spy: Yes, I see.
- [pulls another card]
- Spy: Here you have drawn me having sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower...
- Scout: Heh heh heh.
- Spy: [pulls another card] ... Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me...
- Scout: Heh heh heh.
- Spy: [pulls yet another card] ... both of us relaxing, post-coitus...
- Demoman: [mouthing] "Post-coitus"?
- Spy: [continuing] ... I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it, did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?
- Scout: Oh man, classic Scout!
- Spy: Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.
- Soldier: You did not read mine!
- Scout: [sighs] Does it say you want the bucket?
- Soldier: Yes!
- Spy: [pushes bucket towards Soldier, lights cigarette] See you all in Hell.
- Scout: [while everyone is fighting a giant bread monster that came from Soldier's teleporting of bread] Hey, Miss Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry...
- Miss Pauling: [Looking up from the wires of a bomb cart she is trying to program] God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press? Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that -
- [she spots the watch on Scout's arm]
- Miss Pauling: - Oh, oh! Give me your watch!
- [She holds her hand out expectantly]
- Scout: Yeah. Exactly!
- [he gives her the watch]
- Scout: See, that is where this all starts! No, actually, wait...
- Soldier: [he is interrupted by the Soldier screaming and landing nearby them]
- [proudly]
- Soldier: HA HA HA! I TELEPORTED BREAD!
- Scout: [the Soldier is grabbed by one of the monster's tentacles and dragged away] ... so that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this...
- Miss Pauling: GUYS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!
- Scout: Miss Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted...
- Heavy: [Struggling to keep the blast doors open for them to escape through] COME ON!
- Scout: Um, never mind...
- Miss Pauling: RUN!