Massacre on Aisle 12

No idea why I ended up watching this, I saw it online and clicked play as it had a high rating.

Basically a guy starts a new job at this shopping mall ( we never really see the Mall and at first I thought he was at a small convenience shop )

It's Xmas Eve they tell you this at the start and there is a seedy Santa and a big boobed trashy blonde elf to keep up the Xmas spirit.

We have some flashback sequences of all the stores workers interviews, This sets up everyone's one dimensional stereotype, nice !!!

From there they discover a dead body and bag of money and they all argue/fight over what to do and who is the killer.

This a low budget film, possibly a homage to bad 80s films or just a bad film, who knows ???

It's pure corny slapstick with over exaggerated facial expressions and hammy dialogue.

It is shot and lighted well etc, and kind of passes all the basic filmmaking rules.

No soundtrack/music which was strange!!!

At times I was expecting to hear some Tom and Jerry cartoon type sounds or music, but nope.

I gave it a 4/10 being generous as it reminded me of 80s slapstick comedies and a few times I chuckled.

If your a bit bored and nothing else to watch and you like slapstick then try it. If not then I'd avoid it.

An average corny 4/10.

Stupendously splendid tale about moron employees at a hardware store fighting for a bag of money and their lives on Christmas Eve. Gloriously told through the eyes of the newly hired Dave, this is a superbly wonderful romp through horror comedy tropes chock full of holiday cheer and a bit of blood.

A pair of dimwit bank robbers stash their stolen loot in a hardware store and it gets discovered by an even more dimwitted staff. They all want the money, but someone keeps plucking them off, one by one. Who is the killer and who will get the money? It doesn't really matter because this cast is uproariously funny and packs some major talent (see also Amber Jean as Santa's Elf for even more talent).

I died laughing about 19 times watching this movie (Otto also dies about 19 times, which is another story). This is a horror comedy for the ages and will now been added to my annual Christmas Movie Extravaganza Weekend for this holiday and beyond.

8/10 (+1 for the gut-busting outtake reel on the DVD) = 9/10 stars total

"Massacre on Aisle 12" certainly had every potential to be something great and truly unique, unfortunately the movie just never managed to reach that point at the hands of directors Jim Klock and William Mark McCullough.

The story had everything lined up for potential, as it was about a corpse and a duffel bag full of cash being discovered on-site by workers at a local hardware store. And as tension rise and people start distrusting and accusing one another, who can you trust and who will make it through the night?

It was the character gallery in the movie that really stuck out like a sore thumb, because they were just too generic, aside from the store manager. And as such, then it was difficult to relate to the characters and look beyond how one-dimensional, generic and mundane they really were.

I will say, though, that they had some good enough talented actors and actresses on the cast list to portray the characters and roles in the movie. However, they were just struggling with having card-board characters to portray, essentially.

The movie did also suffer from being rather predictable. And that was a shame, because the storyline was good, but it could have been so much better if it wasn't so predictable.

For a horror comedy then "Massacre on Aisle 12" wasn't particularly outstanding or memorable. As such then it ended up as being a less than mediocre movie experience. My rating is 4 out of 10 stars.

If you're like me and you like humor that is unabashed and not at all ashamed to go for the jokes, then you will love this movie. If you're like me and you love smart dialogue and witty word-play, then you will love this movie. And if you're like me and you love some well-endowed scantily clad babes adding some nice eye candy to the mix, then you will definitely love this movie.

In addition to the aforementioned merits, this film is also a pretty clever who-dun-it that kept me guessing right up until the very end. I enjoyed the murder mystery aspect and the looking-for-clues dynamic of the film mixed in with the funny jokes and the chaos of the situation.

Essentially, the film follows Dave (Michael Buonomo), the very like-able new employee as he starts his first night of work at Mr. Beaver's Hardware Store. The story happens on Christmas Eve and he begins by meeting Tara (Melissa Saint-Amand), the pretty brunette store clerk with mesmerizing eyes who also doesn't happen to give a darn about working there. Her apathy is great and hilarious. She directs Dave to the employee break room, where he sees on TV that an armored car has been robbed and the bandits are on the loose.

It is here that Dave meets assistant manager Jack (Chad Ridgely). Jack is hysterical and completely off-the-wall nuts and it's hard not to love him despite his many nuances. But then it's hard not to love all of the characters as we meet them and follow their ridiculous antics. They all clearly hate their jobs and couldn't be more miserable but their interplay between each other is priceless.

It doesn't take long before the regular closing-up at work gets spiced up with some unexpected drama. They find a dead body and an ungodly amount of cash. They debate what to do with the money and the plot rapidly thickens. The manager (Doug Burch) does a great job at trying to reel in this group of misfits while being conflicted himself about what to do and his performance is fantastic.

After a bit of bickering, debating, and scheming, the less-than-bright crew all decide to make a play for the money and end up making some pretty idiotic decisions with hilarious results that had me in fits of laughter. Oh, and buxom Barbie (Amber Jean) does a strip-tease that is nearly unforgettable.

I loved this movie and will undoubtedly watch it again. So, if you like the things I mentioned in the beginning of this review, then you will definitely like this movie, too. Highly enjoyed and highly recommended.

Wow, talk about some good ol popcorn time fun movie. This is hilarious, now I am not saying its a great movie, but its fun to watch. The casting is good, the actors who play their parts certainly did their jobs well without been over the top or camera conscious. The writing and the some of the dialogues make you laugh, its got a fair bit of blood and gore , oh ya did I forget to mention a nice under current tribute to a slasher from the past , Intruder (1989). Personally I enjoyed this one , I don't know if someone who is a fan of so called A grade Oscar movies will enjoy this but who cares, people like me who enjoy watching all kinds of horror, slashers, blood and gore movies do enjoy some cheesy fun from time to time. But if you still don't watch it your choice. But this review comes from a guy who is in no way associated with this movie, so hell ya I am not promoting this movie.I does slack a bit in between , but the start and the cheesy climax and ya the end credits are fun to watch.. I just enjoyed it, and when you watch it you will realize that the people who made this movie , tried something different to make you laugh.. Thumbs up to this one :)