Billy Gardell credited as playing...
Mike Biggs
- Mike Biggs: You had to have lunch in Chinatown, didn't you? Smells so good I could go Godzilla on the whole neighborhood.
- Officer Carl McMillan: He's actually Japanese, but I'm gonna let that go cause I like the imagery.
- Mike Biggs: [Discouraged about dieting] As long as there's pie, I'm not safe.
- Molly Flynn: No. As long as there's *me*, you are.
- Officer Carl McMillan: [after Mike punched out Seely] What the hell were you thinking?
- Mike Biggs: What was I supposed to do, Carl?
- Officer Carl McMillan: Do what half the precinct does. Just ignore him, then sleep with his wife! But no, you had to punch him out. For that they give you a date with the police psychologist and a three day suspension.
- Mike Biggs: I thought I'd get two weeks easy. Boy, even the captain hates that jackass.
- Mike Biggs: I drew the fat straw.
- Officer Seely: You sure you drew just one?
- Mike Biggs: Back off Seely, I am not in the mood.
- Officer Seely: All right. Take it easy.
- Officer Carl McMillan: For your information, my man lost fifty pounds.
- Officer Seely: Hey, that's great, Biggs. Thought you went down a cup size.
- Officer Seely: [Mike slams his locker shut, obviously irritated] I'm just playing with ya. You look great, just great. In fact, if this was a fair I'd give you a blue ribbon.
- Officer Carl McMillan: [Mike moves in on him, but Carl intercepts] Mike, don't listen to him. He's not worth it.
- [to Seely]
- Officer Carl McMillan: Just go home.
- Officer Seely: I gotta get changed first.
- Mike Biggs: Yeah, I'm fine, Carl.
- Officer Carl McMillan: All right.
- [to Seely]
- Officer Carl McMillan: You just keep your mouth shut.
- Officer Seely: What? Tell that to your partner. Cause I think that's his problem.
- Mike Biggs: [punches Seely] Now, now who has a problem?
- Officer Carl McMillan: You do, man!