Billy Gardell credited as playing...
Mike Biggs
- Vince: I hope you're happy, you've torn this family apart!
- Mike Biggs: She didn't co-operate! All you had to do was answer the question 'Did you drink tonight?'!
- Victoria Flynn: Well, that's a pretty loaded question cause you know, she was probably loaded.
- Joyce Flynn: I was not!
- Vince: That's not perjury, she's not under oath.
- Joyce Flynn: How come everybody's assuming I was tanked?
- Molly Flynn: Come on, mom, it was after six.
- Mike Biggs: [after making up] Does this mean I can have my kitchen privileges back?
- Joyce Flynn: Yes. Mostly because I need you to fix the sink, Molly's credit cards did a number on the disposal.
- Mike Biggs: [laughs, then serious] But it did shred them, right?
- Joyce Flynn: Oh yeah.
- Kevin: [Joyce is singing along to Slow Ride on the jukebox] We get it lady, you're drunk. Keep it down.
- Joyce Flynn: Excuse me, I'm not drunk. This is club soda.
- Kevin: So you're just loud and obnoxious?
- Joyce Flynn: [Proudly] Yes!
- Kevin: Clam up, lady!
- Mike Biggs: Hey, watch yourself, now that's my mother in law you're talking to. I suggest you stand over there if we're bothering you so much.
- Kevin: I got a better idea. Why don't you and I step outside?
- Mike Biggs: Listen, nobody's looking for trouble tonight, so...
- Joyce Flynn: BAR FIGHT!
- [knees Kevin in crotch and flattens him with a tray]
- Kevin: [chaos erupts with Joyce on Kevin and other patrons fighting each other] My ears! My eyes! No biting!
- Joyce Flynn: See? This just proves you don't have to drink to have fun!
- Joyce Flynn: If I'm gonna live clean, you're all gonna live clean!
- [stomps on a bag of chips]
- Mike Biggs: Hey, those are my chips!
- Molly Flynn: You said Victoria bought them.
- Mike Biggs: Are we doing this now?
- Molly Flynn: [Joyce is pouring beers down the drain] Mom, those are mine!
- Joyce Flynn: And your credit cards are next.
- Molly Flynn: Mike, go get your taser!