Girls with Balls

"Girls With Balls" is somewhat of a mixture between movies such as "The Hills Have Eyes" and "Wrong Turn" and then thrown in with a good sense of comedy from the likes of "Dodgeball" or "Shaun of the Dead". An interesting enough combination actually.

However this 2018 movie, while being entertaining enough actually, failed to be more than just your average horror comedy. It didn't manage to make itself stand out in the horror comedy genre, not even by throwing in balls. The movie is watchable and entertaining enough, for sure, but it just wasn't a movie that left a lasting impression once it was finished.

There is a fair amount of comedy in the movie, both sublime and in-your-face types, which appealed to me. And the fact that it was spruced up with some horror elements, just helped to put icing on the cake.

The movie did have a good cast assembly, though I can't claim to be familiar with anyone on the cast list. Which, for me, is a good thing, as I enjoy watching all new faces on the screen when watching movies.

I am rating "Girls With Balls" from writers Jean-Luc Cano and Olivier Afonso - with the latter also directing the movie - a mediocre five out of ten stars. It was entertaining enough for what it turned out to be - just don't get your hopes and expectations up too high.

Clocking in under 80 minutes is always a good sign to make a fast moving flick. It is fast moving but it do has a few issues. It wants to be a horror and it also wants to be a comedy.

On part of the horror it surely delivers, never frightening but the killings are okay and with the slo-mo the blood is really well done.

On part of the comedy. Some parts do work, others doesn't, maybe on part I did laugh a bit.

It's all predictable and by the start you really know which girl is going to survive.

It is not all that bad and it's watchable but it doesn't know what it's wanna to be.

Gore 2/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 3/5 Story 2/5 Comedy à,5/5

The French cowboy narrating the movie may have been my favorite thing about this movie, but I wasn't bored at any point. Not worth a second viewing, but fun and crude enough to keep you watching. I watched with the original French audio, not sure why anyone bothered with the dub. Give it a chance-- you may be pleasantly surprised!

If you like horror, it disappoints. If you like humor, this movie fails in every way. If female power is what you're into, there's so much cattiness and women written by male writers that is misses the mark. There's a weak plot with ludicrous elements. It's not even sexy. I'm even being generous with my criticism because it sucks more than I'm letting on.

I made the title just to save the time of anyone who looked at the score and was like "are there naked people in this?" Well, there's your answer.

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't affect the score; I've watched porn videos that were better written, so that wouldn't really have done them any good here, but I kind of feel that movies like this usually have naked people in it, so I guess they subverted expectations? Yay? I don't know kids; the Kaptain is off his meds at the moment so maybe take this review with more than the usual dosage of salt.

Anyway, this movie is wacky as heck. I watched it in English and for some reason it felt like a nutty anime, really goofy vibes coupled with badly dubbed audio. This produced some unintentional humor, so it is maybe worth a look for that.

So I want to add that Manon Azem is my new waifu. I am totally smitten with her, that curly hair and those green eyes...MMM. I will move to France, learn French, do whatever it takes to win her heart. YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE!

Sorry, off my meds. ANYWAY!

All the actors are decent enough in this, the script is just so bananas that you really can't take it seriously, which is really why this is worth a 4. It's a great movie to watch with very low expectations. There were some genuine laughs to be had, and today was a weird, unmedicated kind of day for me, and I really needed this.

There is one creepy guy who is the leader of the baddies who for some reason reminded me of a demented John Malkovich, and I couldn't stop laughing at him. I think this was intentional. I couldn't think of a way to make this sentence fit with the other stuff I wrote about the actors so it gets its own paragraph thing.

I have no idea how to end this so I'm just going to stop.