Justin Roiland credited as playing...
Rick Sanchez • Morty Smith
- Rick Sanchez: Come on, flip the pickle, Morty, you're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal! I'm a pickle! What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-w-what are you just staring at me for, bro, I turned myself into a pickle, Morty.
- Morty Smith: And?
- Rick Sanchez: And? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle and 9/11 was an inside job?
- Morty Smith: Was it?
- Rick Sanchez: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before... I'M A PICKLE! I'm pickle Riiiiiick!
- Rick Sanchez: Because I don't respect therapy. Because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall and listening to some "agent of averageness" explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle... when I feel like it.
- Morty Smith: I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this.
- Rick Sanchez: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't.
- Morty Smith: Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick?
- Rick Sanchez: I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.
- Rick Sanchez: [to rat, during a fight] By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar, or Stripe, or Goliath. That's because to me you aren't special. You were special to rats, and now they're dead. I guess it was me you should have impressed. God dammit, I love myself!
- Morty Smith: Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling?
- Beth Smith: Morty!
- Rick Sanchez: It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.
- [Morty turns Pickle Rick's face so that it is facing him]
- Rick Sanchez: Morty, I assure you, I would never "find a way" to "get out of" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes.
- Beth Smith: Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay?
- Morty Smith: Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy?
- Rick Sanchez: [Long pause] Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation.
- Jaguar: I never bullshit pickle man. This can only end with one of us dead, and I have never died!
- Rick Sanchez: That will be your downfall Jaguar: not being open to new experiences!
- Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here?
- Rick: Because I don't respect therapy. Because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create and destroy for a living and when I don't like something about the world I change it. And I don't think going to some rented office in a strip mall to listen to an agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I expect it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow! I'm a pickle! When I feel like it. So, you asked...