Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz

The Positive Negative Reaction

Howard Wolowitz

Howard Wolowitz: I shouldn't be raising a kid! I don't even eat my own vegetables.

Howard Wolowitz: I'm, uh... uuh going to be a father.
Leonard Hofstadter, Raj Koothrappali: Congratulations.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no!
Leonard Hofstadter: Why 'oh no'?
Sheldon Cooper: Because this *changes* everything. What about comic-book night? What about playing games together? What about our trips to Disneyland? How can we do those things with a child around?
Leonard Hofstadter: Relax; there's room for two babies in this group.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, dear Lor- Penny's pregnant too?
Leonard Hofstadter: You're the other baby.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, really? OK, well, would a baby have to shave once every eleven days?
Leonard Hofstadter: Would an adult refuse to eat his Graham crackers because one of them was broken?
Sheldon Cooper: I guess we'll call this a draw.

[first lines]
Howard Wolowitz: Morning.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Morning.
Howard Wolowitz: [reads Post-It note on the coffee maker] "We"? What is this?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I don't know; maybe it says something on the back.
Howard Wolowitz: "Continued on milk".
[opening fridge]
Howard Wolowitz: If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast it didn't work for my mom and it won't work for you.
[reads note]
Howard Wolowitz: "Are". We are..."See spoons for more."
Bernadette Rostenkowski: What could it be? We are Groot? We are the champions? We are family; I got all my sisters with me.
Howard Wolowitz: [reads the third note] Are you serious?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah.

Raj Koothrappali: I read that in Los Angeles raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
Howard Wolowitz: A million dollars! Gah. It's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.

Howard Wolowitz: Do we get a nanny? And can we afford a nanny? And if we can, we can't get a pretty one cause it'll wreck our marriage. We can't get an ugly one cause it'll scare the kid.

Howard Wolowitz: If it's a boy do we get him circumcised? People say it's barbaric, but if we don't it looks like a pig in a blanket.

Howard Wolowitz: I'm sorry I freaked out this morning. I want you to know... I'm done being scared.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: It's OK to be nervous. I am too.
Howard Wolowitz: Thank God; cause I was lying; you might not have to wait nine months to see someone soil their pants.

Howard Wolowitz: Look at this.
[takes the cocktail umbrella from his drink]
Howard Wolowitz: I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money; he can have all the kids he wants
Sheldon Cooper: And keep a small portion of their heads dry.

Leonard Hofstadter: It'll be fine, people have kids every day. You'll figure this out.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, come on, this is great news and you know it.
Howard Wolowitz: You're right, it is. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.
Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, you know what we should do?
Sheldon Cooper: All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?
Leonard Hofstadter: Go out and celebrate!
[to Sheldon]
Leonard Hofstadter: But not your worst idea.

Howard Wolowitz: I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.
Leonard Hofstadter: Buddy, I think you might be overreacting.
Howard Wolowitz: And then there's this nose. I mean... What if he looks like me? Or worse... what if she looks like me?
Sheldon Cooper: Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything's going to change. Howard won't be able to come over as much.
Raj Koothrappali: Well, he could bring the baby here.
Sheldon Cooper: Then we'd have to baby-proof the apartment. Yeah, my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom. I have two doctorates, I still had to go in the sink.
Howard Wolowitz: how expensive having a kid is?
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
Howard Wolowitz: A million dollars? It's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.