Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm, uh... uuh going to be a father.
- Leonard Hofstadter, Raj Koothrappali: Congratulations.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why 'oh no'?
- Sheldon Cooper: Because this *changes* everything. What about comic-book night? What about playing games together? What about our trips to Disneyland? How can we do those things with a child around?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Relax; there's room for two babies in this group.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, dear Lor- Penny's pregnant too?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You're the other baby.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, really? OK, well, would a baby have to shave once every eleven days?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Would an adult refuse to eat his Graham crackers because one of them was broken?
- Sheldon Cooper: I guess we'll call this a draw.
- [last lines]
- Penny Hofstadter: That was such a fun night.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Probably cause you got to see your man up there rocking the mike.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, yeah. I was a little surprised when you decided to beat box.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, that was really an asthma attack; I just sold it.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, I am so happy for Howard and Bernadette.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Me too. So, you ever think about it?
- Penny Hofstadter: Babies? I'm not in a rush, but someday, yeah, sure. What about you?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I think we'd make amazing parents.
- Sheldon Cooper: Will you guys keep it down?
- [Sheldon is sprawled on the couch, a beard, moustache, glasses and Harry Potter scar drawn on his face]
- Penny Hofstadter: On the other hand, we might lack a certain maturity.
- [She picks up a magic marker]
- Sheldon Cooper: This place is terrific. Why- why have we never been here before?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff: you.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's some smart talk from a guy who can't even keep his face in focus.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Howard and Bernadette] . You're kiddie' me! What kind of maniac has coitus in some else's bedroom?
- Sheldon Cooper: Forget helium, the real superfluid is the fruit punch in this mug. It reminds me of my daddy's secret "don't tell momma" juice.
- Howard Wolowitz: Look at this.
- [takes the cocktail umbrella from his drink]
- Howard Wolowitz: I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money; he can have all the kids he wants
- Sheldon Cooper: And keep a small portion of their heads dry.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It'll be fine, people have kids every day. You'll figure this out.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, come on, this is great news and you know it.
- Howard Wolowitz: You're right, it is. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, you know what we should do?
- Sheldon Cooper: All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Go out and celebrate!
- [to Sheldon]
- Leonard Hofstadter: But not your worst idea.
- Howard Wolowitz: I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Buddy, I think you might be overreacting.
- Howard Wolowitz: And then there's this nose. I mean... What if he looks like me? Or worse... what if she looks like me?
- Sheldon Cooper: Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything's going to change. Howard won't be able to come over as much.
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, he could bring the baby here.
- Sheldon Cooper: Then we'd have to baby-proof the apartment. Yeah, my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom. I have two doctorates, I still had to go in the sink.
- Howard Wolowitz: how expensive having a kid is?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
- Howard Wolowitz: A million dollars? It's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.