Amityville: No Escape

And we're back to the dreadful Amityville films, I thought it was too good to be true.

Here we have another found footage effort, this one however tries to distance itself from the others by telling two separate but connected story lines. A girl living in the Amityville house and a group of students going into the woods to do a study on fear.

The plot is thinner than Patrick Stewarts hairline, it's all poorly made and alike many movies of its ilk nothing actually happens.

Unforgivable boredom.

The Good:

Cast aren't terrible

The Bad:

Pretty much every square inch of the film

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Nobody but me noticed that girl is clearly a vampire

If gunfire reminds a girl of her partner she should reconsider her choice

This movie started strong enough and had some good, legitimate scares, for some reason some of the paranormal activity angles get to me a bit even if I know it's only a movie. Unlike what most slasher movies have ever devolved to nowadays with usually no scares.

This had a few good paranormal activity type moments with Julia Gomez. She was fun to watch and annoying as hell to an extent at the same time. Her aerobic workout bits were a bit comical besides a bit sexy also.

The more present day storyline was fine but not necessarily as strong, had some good mixed elements though none the less, and you didn't have a clue what was going to happen.

Those looking for gore will be disappointed as there really wasn't any, but the movie threw in some quick nudity bits right in the beginning of the film as a kind of quick tease I guess.

The ending of both storylines seemed hurried and incomplete for me. Like they ran out of money or time or both to complete the movie more how as envisioned. The 1997 storyline was more disappointing as the ending didn't make the most sense at all as it was unexplained exactly what happened even though they tried to show you.

It was refreshing they tried to tie both storylines to Amityville and the famous house unlike some of the other recent "Amityville" movies that don't do that at all or very well.

The DVD had a short movie called the Christmas Presence again with Julia Gomez that was kind of cool and kind of had a shock ending too.

Amityville No Escape' is another pointless found footage flick that centers around a group of so-called college students going in to the deep woods to understand fear.. Yes it's even dumber than it sounds.. Anyways..

There is also a subplot involving a video tape from 1997 that has some lonely ass house wife yapping at the camera.. Apparently her husband is in the military and on deployment..

This has to be one of the most boring movies I have ever watched, literally almost nothing happens in this film.. The story supposedly takes place in Amityville, NY - and I think the video house wife lives in the old Amityville horror house? But I may not have been paying close enough attention.. I'm just not sure..

Now to be fair I honestly can't say the acting was horrible, I think the whole cast was doing the best they could with what they had to work with..

Positives: A couple of scenes worth of boob shots.. So So acting.

Negatives: Terrible incoherent story.. Shitty shaky cam..

Do yourself a favor and avoid this stinker.. Grade: D

Horror Town USA

I'm 15 minutes in and already I'm looking at my phone wishing I didn't commit to watching this. Personally I've removed the word ugly from my vocabulary, but these people are hideously unattractive. They all look like meth heads with the ugliest tattoos and awful hair. And that scene with the girl being topless in the pool and her brother is also in the pool with her and she's like "it's like when we were kids." No. No it isn't! Disgusting just like her awkward nips. The woman in the video is forcing her acting, which is worse than a kindergarten play. All thumbs down!

Just because you have a video camera doesn't mean you should make a movie. There was literally nothing scary in this movie except the hideous beard of the cameraman. Also....nothing to do with the Amityville Horror original movie.....used to rope people in...count me as one of them.