Ryan Reynolds credited as playing...
Wade Wilson • Deadpool • Voice of Juggernaut
- Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: one to get me here, one to get me home.
- Wade Wilson: [looks at the camera] Well... that's just lazy writing.
- Wade Wilson: With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'm basically Hawkeye.
- Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
- [Wade throws the spreader into the gunman's head, killing him]
- Wade Wilson: [turns on time-travel device] I'll be right back. We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
- Cable: Dubstep's for pussies!
- Wade Wilson: You're so dark. Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?
- [last lines]
- Ryan Reynolds: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script] You're in the big leagues now, kid!
- [blood splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
- Deadpool: [to the camera] You're welcome, Canada.
- Weasel: And last but not least... Peter.
- Deadpool: Any power you wanna tell us about?
- Peter: I don't... I don't have one. Um, I just saw the ad.
- Deadpool: No superpowers at all?
- Peter: Uh, I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes.
- Deadpool: Ow! Oh!
- Weasel: That's all the diabetes.
- Deadpool: Right. Yeah, you got them all. If you find a type 3, let us know. Yeah. You're in.
- Negasonic Teenage Warhead: We're X-Men.
- Deadpool: No, you're X-People.
- Negasonic Teenage Warhead: You're X-hausting.
- Deadpool: I see what you did there. Puns.
- Deadpool: So, what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?
- Cable: Yeah, something like that.
- Deadpool: I was a soldier. Special Forces. I bet fifty years from now we'll be bestest buddies.
- Cable: Fifty years from now you'll be very dead. Your entire generation will fuck this planet into a coma.
- Deadpool: Boom!
- [makes exploding sound]
- Deadpool: Spoiler alert. Ha ha! Ah, planets.
- Domino: [whispers to herself] Next time Uber.
- Cable: Here's a spoiler alert. You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
- Deadpool: Well, I got news for you, my heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he's gonna know what real love is.
- Cable: Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
- Deadpool: I'm a grower, not a shower.
- Domino: I should've finished college.
- Cable: You remind me of my wife.
- Wade Wilson: I'm sorry?
- Cable: I said you remind me...
- Wade Wilson: No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.
- Wade Wilson: Is it just me or does Do You Wanna Build a Snowman from Frozen sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl.
- [singing]
- Wade Wilson: Papa, can you hear me?
- [normal voice]
- Wade Wilson: And nobody fucking realizes it.
- Domino: They're headed into the tunnel.
- Deadpool: I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word.
- Domino: Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.
- Deadpool: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
- Deadpool: No, we are most certainly not fucked.
- Deadpool: Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!