Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: The revisions I made start on page four.
- Penny Hofstadter: Wow, that is a lot of "whereupons".
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You should see the Valentine's Day card he gave me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Any contract I sign is enforced by my own personal code of ethics.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And his obsessive-compulsive disorder.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, that too. And scoot over; part of your shadow's on my spot.
- Howard Wolowitz: This contract looks good to me.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll say it looks good. It's in my proprietary font, Shelvetica.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I want to say something obnoxious, but it is easy on the eyes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Sounds like a, uh, contract might be in order.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure; we could write something up.
- Sheldon Cooper: But which one of us should be the party who...
- Howard Wolowitz: You can do it, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: So stipulated!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Once I found a stash of contracts under his bed. It was weird.
- [first lines]
- Howard Wolowitz: OK, I gotta ask: why are you wearing a bow tie?
- Sheldon Cooper: I've never applied for a patent before; I wanted to make a good impression.
- Howard Wolowitz: The impression that your first name is Pee-wee?
- [Leonard laughs]
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, well, you're an engineer. End of joke. Burn.
- Tim: Come on in, fellows.
- Howard Wolowitz: See, he's not wearing a tie.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, he's a patent attorney; maybe his tie is pending.
- Penny Hofstadter: Sheldon, did you draw up the contract?
- Sheldon Cooper: You bet I did.
- Penny Hofstadter: [to Amy] Ooh. You're going to make out so hard tonight.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hey, Leonard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: If she doesn't think that we should apply for this patent, she's being "patently" absurd.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Good one.
- Sheldon Cooper: OK, you got it. See, I was afraid it was a thinker.
- Sheldon Cooper: I just hope that this scholarship can rescue your child from the subpar education and menial life of an engineer.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon!
- Sheldon Cooper: What? I didn't sign it yet.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me! I've been drafting contracts since kindergarten. Didn't need a lawyer to get me out of finger painting; don't need one now.