Britney Young credited as playing...
Carmen Wade
- Cherry Bang: Yo! Shut up!
- [pause]
- Cherry Bang: Sorry, um... Carmen, help me out.
- Carmen Wade: Okay.
- Cherry Bang: I wanna start with some kind of hold and release.
- Carmen Wade: You mean, like a lockup?
- Cherry Bang: Yup, show me.
- Carmen Wade: Okay. A lockup, it's kind of like dancing when you first start, so...
- [Cherry and Carmen grab each other's necks and arms]
- Carmen Wade: Okay, so we start here first. This way, I can tell you which way to go. So, I'll lead and you follow, okay?
- Cherry Bang: Okay.
- [they move back and forth]
- Carmen Wade: Yeah.
- Cherry Bang: Okay, so if I wanted to put you in, say, a headlock. I do...
- [Cherry moves Carmen's hand from her neck and places her in a headlock]
- Cherry Bang: This?
- Carmen Wade: I think so.
- Cherry Bang: All right. Pair up. Everybody give it a shot.
- [Ruth notices Melrose smoking]
- Ruth Wilder: Umm... I don't think you're allowed to do that here.
- Melanie Rosen: Well, I need to chill the fuck out 'cause some crazy stunt-cunt just tried to murder me.
- Carmen Wade: That was a sleeper hold.
- Melanie Rosen: That was a lawsuit. Who does that bitch think she is? I mean, this morning, she was just another schmucky actress in a Kmart leotard. And now, she's going around, knocking people unconscious? Who died and made her the black Nurse Ratched?
- Carmen Wade: The director did. He said, 'She's in charge'.
- Melanie Rosen: The point is, I could've died.
- Rhonda Richardson: Maybe you did die. Maybe we're all dead and this is the afterlife.
- Ruth Wilder: Are you already high?
- Rhonda Richardson: No. No one passed it to me, and I've been waiting because I'm polite.
- Melanie Rosen: Oh.
- [Melrose hands her cigarette to Rhonda]
- Rhonda Richardson: Thanks.
- Ruth Wilder: I think Cherry's doing the best she can.
- Melanie Rosen: Oh yeah? You big into dictators?
- Ruth Wilder: I don't know how things work in the music video world, but... at least she's trying to make us an ensemble. Usually, in this industry, it's every man for himself, and it's almost always a man telling you your ass is too fat at the same time he's trying to grope it. And having a woman in charge instead of that Sackballs guy? This is as good as it gets.
- Melanie Rosen: If you're so into the sisterhood, maybe you shouldn't have fucked your friend's husband.
- [pause]
- Ruth Wilder: I didn't.
- Melanie Rosen: Dude... I am the Cézanne of bullshit artists.
- [Melrose gets up to get the lunch]
- Melanie Rosen: Oh, that's us.
- [looks at Ruth]
- Melanie Rosen: Oh, you owe me 20 bucks.
- [Melrose receives the lunch pack, then notices a bottle of ketchup and grabs it]
- Melanie Rosen: Okay, ladies, back to the isle of Lesbos!
- Melanie Rosen: And then I said, 'Oh God, the Baby!' You know, 'What's happening to the baby?' And then, you know, I squirted ketchup out of my vagina.
- Sam Sylvia: That was terrible. I, I didn't buy a single second of that. But, let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Oh, sorry, maybe it was a wrong metaphor. Sorry. I think there's something here. Look, I know you were just being an asshole, but if this were a real scene, there would be context, there'd be circumstances, there'd be characters, right? Legacy?
- Carmen Wade: Um...
- Sam Sylvia: Al right. Let's get inside this thing. What happened? The miscarriage, was it an accident? Was it, was it bad sushi?
- Justine Biagi: She was kicked in the stomach by her Guatemalan swim coach who was jealous she lost her virginity to the captain of the diving team.
- Sam Sylvia: Wow. Good. Good. Kick in the stomach. I like that. Swim coach, I don't know. We can lose him. We need a better assailant. What animal would kick a pregnant woman in the belly? What kind of person would ruin the life of a gorgeous, successful, pregnant woman? What kind of homewrecker would do that?
- [Ruth tries to hide in the crowd]
- Sam Sylvia: Ruth! This doesn't seem like too much of a stretch for you. Why don't you come in the ring? Join us.
- Ruth Wilder: I want to, but I'm really not feeling well.
- Sam Sylvia: You know, Gene Kelly had the flu when he did the title number of Singin' in the Rain.
- Ruth Wilder: It's true, he did.
- [Ruth gets up and approaches the ring]
- Sam Sylvia: Look at this asshole. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's gonna destroy lives. Even tiny lives that haven't started yet. You're a horrible person, and you don't deserve to live.
- Ruth Wilder: I think I deserve to live.
- Sam Sylvia: Hey, Uta Hagen. All right, take some fucking direction for a minute. All right, is that too much to ask? It's not about you. I'm trying to see if this skit works. Now circle the other one.
- [Ruth and Melrose circle each other]
- Sam Sylvia: Okay, good. Okay, shit-stirrer. Let's work on your side. Because if there's one thing I've learned in my illustrious career, it's that you can't rely on a blood rig to sell a performance. Who are you? What kind of woman were you before you lost everything?
- Melanie Rosen: I feel like I was the kind of...
- Sam Sylvia: Wait, I got it. You're smart. You're ambitious. Talented. But nobody sees that. All they see is the blonde knockout.
- Melanie Rosen: Yeah, but I'm not blonde.
- Sam Sylvia: All right, shut the fuck up.
- Melanie Rosen: Okay.
- Stacey Beswick: I think he's talking about me.
- Dawn Rivecca: [pointing at Debbie] No. They're talking about her.
- Stacey Beswick: That makes sense.