Pure Country/Frozen Assets/Hugh Hefner: Once Upon a Time/Consenting Adults/Reservoir Dogs

Gene Siskel - Host: I knew "Frozen Assets" was going to be awful from its opening scene, in which we see an executive at the head office jabbering on the phone with underwear stretched over his head. I don't think I can adequately describe to you how unpleasant the remaining 95 minutes were, or WILL be for you. It was as depressing an experience as I've EVER had going to the movies, that's 23 years of going to the movies professionally. That's six, seven thousand pictures.

Roger Ebert - Host: Gene, I was going to the movies professionally for two or three years before you were, and there was nothing I saw during that time that even approached this in its abysmal awfulness. This is perhaps, uh, the worst comedy ever made. And you know the theory of reincarnation...

Gene Siskel - Host: They may take that ad out...

Roger Ebert - Host: [chuckles] That makes it sound good!

Gene Siskel - Host: Make it the SECOND worst comedy ever made, they won't use it.

Roger Ebert - Host: Not even the worst comedy ever made, just the worst MOVIE ever made, I dunno. You know the theory of reincarnation, where the dues we pay in this lifetime...

Gene Siskel - Host: Yes?

Roger Ebert - Host: ...We may get to collect in another lifetime?

[Gene chuckles]

Roger Ebert - Host: For having seen this movie, I want MONTHS and months and months in a beautiful valley, with honey, and nectar, and zephyr-like breezes. I mean, YEARS, perhaps, would be appropriate.

Gene Siskel - Host: You know, you have simple tastes, I could...

Roger Ebert - Host: And a BIG CAR!

Gene Siskel - Host: [laughs] Get something valuables! "Zephyr-like breezes".