Bruce Campbell credited as playing...
Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams
- Candace Barr: Son of a bitch!
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Hey, whoa! Lady! There's a line!
- Candace Barr: Wha-? You don't even remember me?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Well, the old steel trap never forgets a rack, but faces are a little fuzzy. Give me a hint.
- [Candace punches Ash]
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: I said a hint.
- Candace Barr: I'm your fucking wife!
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: The ink on my buddy went nuclear, that means evil is just around the corner. So your little peach could be a bowel-sucking hell beast.
- Brandy Barr: Mom, what's the chainsaw geek doing here?
- Candace Barr: Oh, honey, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but Ash, he's... he's ah... he's your...
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: What she's trying to say, I'm your pop. Father dearest. The old sperm shooter.
- Brandy Barr: What?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: But you can call me Dad, unless you're a Deadite, then you can go fuck yourself.
- Kelly Maxwell: Who's the kid?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Oh, believe it or not, that's my daughter. Sandy. Ah, Mandy.
- Brandy Barr: Brandy.
- [sobbing]
- Brandy Barr: And fuck you.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: We're still getting to know each other.
- Pablo Simon Bolivar: You know, I've never seen a town lose its shit over a hardware store before.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Well, it's time to wake up and smell the lightly scented wax flowers, Pablo. This isn't just a well-stocked hardware store/sex-toy emporium. No, this is a shrine to a local hero. Those adoring fans are my peeps!
- [waves at the townspeople]
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Wait a minute. Candace Barr. Oh no, Candy Barr? Well, this daughter of ours, I bet she thinks I'm pretty special, huh?
- Candace Barr: Dream on. I told her her old man was some crack dealer who got shanked in prison.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: What?
- Candace Barr: Well, it was easier than admitting I'd hooked up with psycho saw-boy!
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Oh, okay, but I call B.S. I was using my lucky rubber all through the odds, and that sucker went 50 and 0.