Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a doughnut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, I'm warning you, I can play this game, too.
- Sheldon Cooper: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, someone just got burned!
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right, I tried.
- Sheldon Cooper: "All right, I tried." That should be the title of your autobiography. Ooh, a second degree burn.
- [Closes door on Leonard; Amy enters]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I've got the Neosporin. Who got hurt?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's a good thing you're cute.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, you're, you're being a little selfish. Why don't you let Leonard keep a few things?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'd like that too.
- Sheldon Cooper: In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag. And I'm not just saying that because it touched your genitals.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Promise?
- Sheldon Cooper: I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well.
- Theodore: Well, if we're rubbing genitals on things, that's where I shine.
- [first lines]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: If we're going to be staying in this apartment, would you be interested in doing a little redecorating?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, actually... I would.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Great! Wh-what did you have in mind?
- Sheldon Cooper: Let's take every single thing from the other apartment and put it in here.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, how 'bout we start a little smaller, like... moving the furniture around.
- Sheldon Cooper: Y'know, I have always felt that this couch would look *fantastic* on the curb in front of the building.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Look, we can't just throw away Penny's stuff, but we can ask if she wants any of it back.
- Sheldon Cooper: Know, I wonder how she feels about all this artwork.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, I'm sure she misses this one. I mean it's the greatest gift I've ever given anybody.
- [they look at the large painting of Amy and Penny]
- Sheldon Cooper: It truly does capture the beauty of your friendship with Penny.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It may have appreciated in value. The artist killed himself shortly after painting that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, it seems only right that she have it back.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Can't wait to see the look on her face when I give it to her again.
- [Penny looks horrified as they bring the painting to the other apartment]
- Sheldon Cooper: Look, it's the same smile she has in the painting!
- Sheldon Cooper: [Finds Leonard wearing the apartment flag while doing the laundry] What do you think you're doing?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Separating my delicates.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is the level you're stooping to?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Takes off underwear] No, this is the level I am stooping to. I believe that is flag to crotch four. Checkmate! Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy!
- Sheldon Cooper: Come, Amy. I know when I'm not wanted.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't think you do, but all right.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do you think you're doing?
- Sheldon Cooper: Since my room is paid up until the end of the month, I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.
- Theodore: It' s like the forties again.
- Sheldon Cooper: Anyway, I'll let you be. Oh, he's expecting a newspaper in the morning. Apparently, they're still making them.
- Penny Hofstadter: Sheldon, this is way over the line.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's true, but had I done something under the line, there wouldn't be a man in your kitchen who can't produce a single form of ID.
- Theodore: Oh, I have a receipt from the blood bank. I'm O-negative.
- Sheldon Cooper: And now you know as much about him as I do.